#but I’m not ready to let ppl know cause then it’ll feel more real

[seokwoosmole]

tw- d*ath

[conelly]

( luke hemmings, twenty-two, cismale, he/him ) did you see BYRON CONELLY walking down main street earlier?  you know who i’m talking about, they’re a DECKHAND.  everybody in town says that they’re SANGUINE & NONJUDGEMENTAL, but have a tendency to be IMPRESSIONABLE & VOLATILE too.  BYRON has been in town for ONE AND A BIT years. c'mon, they’re always requesting SWEET CAROLINE by NEIL DIAMOND at karaoke nights.  well, i’m sure you’ll see them soon! ( ooc: sunny, 22, she/her, est )

hi thanks for tuning in, SUNNY here to tell you all a lil bit about westmere’s very own new nd improved favorite loser below. sorry for this summary being all over the place, it’s kinda how my brain works heh which is kinda perfect bc byron will for SURE be all over the place too ( u can rly tell at a certain point i was like ok i give up + i’m posting mf ). let me know if u have any questions about ‘em and most importantly, lmk if you would like to plot a lil connect or sumn 😙

@westmerestarters​ 

FAMBAM + BACKGROUND

born 14 years after the elder conelly ( wanted brother connect !!! ) entered this word to two parents who didn’t seem to read the job description, it was clear that byron wasn’t planned. and down the line, he’d soon realize through the tumultuous household he was brought up in - perhaps never even wanted.

byron’s parents had one constant - and that was fighting. over anything, all the time. there just wasn’t any love between the two and they stayed together for whatever meaningless reasons until byron hit middle school. ( there might’ve been a super short lull in toxicity once byron was born, but it had to be short as his first memories are nothing shy of toxic. )  it was a messy separation ( they never paid the full legal fees for a full divorce ) - his father moving to the coast of nj & his mother moving to a smaller apartment nearby her own mother ( which, due to the negative relationship among his mother + grandmother, also called for more tension ). he’d often be dropped off @ his grandmother’s house for baby-sitting or when he was ‘ becoming too much to handle. ’ eventually his grandmother moved into his cousin’s house ( MONROE ) and although grateful he made a practically new brother, similar tendencies of feeling unwanted occurred when byron noticed their grandmother praising and coddling and favoriting monroe just a bit more.

( his mother was a struggling addict ( and had been her whole life ), but the loneliness, newfound pressures and whatever excuse she was able to name caused her drinking to spiral worse than byron remembered ( even at his young age ) before. )

( his father was rarely in his life, but when he was, he was THE coolest. always played good cop in any situation regarding his mother, despite choosing not to have an active role in byron’s life. byron looked up to him like no other. when he WAS around, he taught byron how to surf, skateboard, play sports, they’d play video games, they’d eat junk food - honestly anything that byron wanted to do. his dad was an adrenaline junkie and created the stepping stones for byron to be one too. he was a marine biologist & pretty successful at that. passionate,  intelligent, but seemingly finding his newfound life a lot better than his previous - which is why he never wanted byron to stay too long, the boy reminded him of her, of the past. )

( his older brother moved out of the house when byron was just a lil kid, they’re not very close and don’t have much in common ... or so it seems. he lives in nyc and they only talk here and there on holidays. he was never a huge part of his life, but it does bum him out to think what could’ve been / could be. )

TO GET THE GIST 

due to never receiving the attention he craved from his family members, he made up for it tenfold in school. he was always talking to everyone, loud, boisterous, gregarious, life of the party; he wanted people to like him and they did. he become a total people pleaser, molding himself to make sure everyone was content and stayed around. impressionable, adaptable. he felt less this way towards adults and had a bit of a rebellious phase, hanging with the wrong crowd & getting into things he probably wouldn’t do otherwise. old habits die hard and he still tries his best to make everyone crack a smile, to remember him - since he believes he won’t be remembered for much else.

after he just barely skated by in high school ( his grades were never as good as his cousin’s and never lived up to his father’s expectations ), byron felt a bit lost. a lot of people had plans, were heading off to college - but already under the assumption he couldn’t reach any expectation in that realm ( a lil self fulfilling prophecy am i right pals ), he stayed in town - caring for his mother who hardly had anything together, his uncle who got sick very quickly & passed, spending time with his grandmother, while he himself fell into a rut. most of his days meant he drove out towards his dad’s place ( dad hardly there now, out and about with his new family ), surfing, smoking, and grabbing some cash doing odd jobs any way he could. he lost any purpose he once had ( but yall would never know it bc who wants to be in someone’s life who’s a buzzkill ? all smiles, baby, all smiles. )

IN WESTMERE

when his cousin offered the opportunity to travel cross-country in his van, byron had nothing to lose. always adventurous in spirit, he immediately said yes - deciding to ignore that ‘obligation,’ that feeling to make sure they were a-ok that he felt towards his parents. he needed an out and this was it. 

after landing in the small connecticut town for the night, the two fell for it - especially since when they got there along the water, it was a summer night + everything landed into place. they decided to stay there a bit longer ... and that eventually turned into more than a year. still antsy to keep traveling and to move around, byron has been ready to head out ... but stays for a few reasons - and them all being people ( bc lbh the surf is not even on point here ok )

his current job is a deckhand ( on a bunch of boats, ppl prob hired him as word of mouth got around that he knew what he was doing ). prob got that knowledge from being by his dad’s on the water when younger ( he’s ... obsessed with the water ) ! and also he’s just a quick learner ok ( ps: if your charrie has a boat pls let’s make somethin happen )

TO KNOW [ headcanons + more ]

his fav karaoke song is sweet caroline bc he knows everyone will be able to sing nd party along. he does it for the ppl, ppl.

he never saw too many baby / kid pics of himself which was kind of a bummer bc he really only remembers negative times - somehow they overpowered ( i bet lil byron was cute as fuck too fml )

he’s super into drugs, hallucinogenics, honestly you name it. it started off w/ him being impressionable, then bored, and now he just enjoys it. despite his mother’s addiction running through his blood, he still continues to do his thang.  

longboards around town so watch your toes

uses 🤙🤙 all the time and not ironically 

has an existential crisis on the daily about purpose but keeps that to himself most times 

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone pls give me a sugar mama idc how we plot it out they don’t have to hook up they can idk idc i just want someone giving him money or expensive things it can be so much fun ok ,, pool boy ? idk sign me up

pls if your muse has a boat, let him be the deckhand ok it will also be so fun and potentially angsty if he fucks something up

a fling 100% - even multiple ? idc listen he is currently sharing a tiny VAN with his COUSIN he needs a place - like an actual bed - to crash on at night

can he save someone who was potentially drowning pls??? he used to be a lifeguard, it can be a cool/fun thread to write out

omg off of that can he teach someone how to swim 

look if anyone is into marine bio, can they somehow know byron’s father ?? i feel like that could make room for a cool plot

also i have an older brother connect on the w/c’s page lmk lmk

give me a good influence that will somehow have him open up + tell him that it’s weird to be so sunshiny all the time. maybe someone who witnesses him at his worst + stays, ya know ??

a bad influence plot where y/c takes this impressionable young lad and puts him through the ringer tbh ( srrsly he’d do a lot for ppl, so ask him to do something illegal for them it’ll be fun )

party pals, smoking pals, on the water 24/7 pals, 

co-worker, other ppl that work on the water ( fishermen?? more deckhands?? captains??)

gimmie someone he accidentally bumped into while longboarding ( he’s a large human it might’ve done damage ok )

i want and need enemies ok i know he’s chill as fuck and wants everyone to like him but there’s always a way to find enemies >:o. anything angsty for REAL.

unrequited thing? where he led someone on?? i’m sure he does this constantly

don’t ruin the friendship thing omg plsssss always so fun

look i’m open for it ALL. every plot u have in mind so lay it on me

[fairycosmos]

hi chloe 💕 I need some help and you’re so beautiful and wise. I have been dating a lot and face rejection after rejection. I’ll get to know someone, go out a few times, and sometimes get really excited and into them. they compliment me constantly, tell me I’m attractive, sweet, caring, and interesting, but then they say they don’t feel a connection or spark. I’m so sad. I feel like everyone I meet says I’m such a catch but no one actually wants me, even when we have tons in common :(

thank u sm for seeing me so positively my love, thats really sweet of you 🥺 and i’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling with this right now. if you want to know what i think.... i think it’s very normal to get discouraged when you’ve been in the dating game for a while, trying to find something that sicks. it’s one of the most frustrating things about seeking romance/connection - when you’re looking for it everywhere it evades you, then suddenly hits you like a ton of bricks in the way you were least expecting it to. just out of nowhere. and we rarely get to choose how or when it happens down to the letter. sometimes it seems like fates playing a stupid game. it can feel like a waste of time or like a never ending cycle, so i’d suggest being kind and patient with yourself when the anger or the sadness regarding it flares up. rather than trying to make sense of it or trying to push it away. just let it sit with you and then breathe and let it go. even if you have to let it go over and over again. recognize that emotions are temporary storms of inner turmoil, they’re not facts or reflective of your future. and confronting them head on - through crying, through talking to your loved ones about whats going on, through writing, anything you find cathartic - can make them feel a lot lighter. then it’ll become easier to accept the bottom line, which is that the spark, unfortunately, cant be forced. and that isn’t a matter of personal fault, or because you have some great unforgivable flaw. look the thing is, you are attractive and sweet and caring and interesting and you had all of those traits before anybody recognized them, and so you will continue to have them whether you’re single or married 10 years from now...it’s not necessarily about you even though i totally understand why it feels 100% personal. it’s just that two people falling for each other at exactly the right moment in exactly the right way in exactly the right environment is a lot rarer than most of us want to admit. the time has to be right in both peoples lives. they have to be ready to put as much into it as you are and if they’re not then it’s not because you don’t deserve it, it’s because the future needs to leave room for the person who actually is right for you. i promise, your worth doesn’t lie in how wantable you are. you’re a whole person and the bond that you’re looking for is going to be a collaboration of feelings and friendship and romance and love, not based on someone falling for you because you have the entire world to offer them. they’ll love you any way, even on the days that you’re not sweet and caring and at your best. you know? it’s about life working out enough to a point where both ppl can foster such a connection, imo. i know it probably seems impossible to apply this to the context of your life right now, with how downtrodden you feel and how long its been, and thats totally understandable. but i hope you can at least try to consider letting go the idea that self blame is the way to go, cause it’s not. you have so much more time than you realize, to experience true and real romantic love. it can happen in different ways over and over, at 25, at 40, at 70. as long as you’re open to it, it’s out there for you. god i hope this doesn’t sound patronizing, or like i even know anything about it because really my beliefs are based on what i’ve observed. thats all...and i’d appreciate anyone elses imput who has been through something similar. but despite that, i’m pretty certain that you are a catch, angel. you’re just tired and worn out, and probably younger than you feel. and maybe need to take a break from trying to find love at every corner. instead let it rush up to meet you when it chooses. im sending you a lot of warmth and i hope you’re taking care of yourself first and foremost. i’ll be here if you need a friend  🐝

[golbrocklovely]

only the lonely survive // colby brock - chapter five: i wonder what you think of me

A/N: hey everyone! i just wanted to say thank you to all the ppl that started following me recently and have been liking what i post and whatnot. yall are the real mvps, seriously. i wanted to let yall know that i was thinking of starting a taglist for this story, so hit me up if you want to be part of it! hope you enjoy this chapter :))

description of the story

trigger warning: swearing

word count: 1294

DAY 2/14 into 3/14

After coming home from the Trap House, I immediately fell asleep. I woke up a couple hours later. Rolling over, the alarm clock on my night stand read 12:03 A.M.

I got up and started to unpack. I grabbed my phone to play some music only to see two messages from unknown numbers, sent from around the time Casey and I went home.

 Unknown: heyyyy baby it's your soon to be baby daddy brennen

 I rolled my eyes, saving the contact as 'Brennen'. I clicked on the other message.

 Unknown: hey it's Colby. Brennen gave me your number. I hope that's cool

 Oh my God, Colby has my number?

I saved the contact. I decided to respond to Colby.

 Skye: it's no problem. I told him to give out my number if any of you asked for it

 I turned some music on, grabbing my clothes again. Just as I put some shirts away, the music muted for a second, only to turn back up again. I looked at my phone, a new text from Colby.

 Colby: ok cool. are you getting ready for bed cuz i'll stop texting you

 I smiled lightly at my screen. I replied to him.

 Skye: actually I just woke up. I fell asleep after hanging out with yall so im probably gonna be awake for a while.

 I stared at my screen for a moment, seeing Colby writing a response.

 Colby: can i call you?

 I gasped quietly, my eyes widening. Why did he want to call me?

 Skye: sure. Is something wrong?

 I didn't get a message back. My phone lit up, incoming call. I clicked answer.

"H-hello?" I asked, stammering.

"Hey. Nothing's wrong, by the way. I just wanted to talk." Colby stated.

I sighed, "Oh okay, good. I was a bit scared for a moment."

He chuckled. "Sorry about that."

"Is there any reason why you wanted to call me?" I questioned, putting the phone on speaker so I could continue to unpack.

"Um, actually there is. I can't get to sleep right now and all of my friends are already asleep so I thought maybe talking to you could make me tired." He confessed.

"Are you saying I'm boring?" I asked jokingly.

"No that's not what I'm saying. I just thought talking might make me tired." He laughed.

"I know, I'm just kidding." I giggled, grabbing more clothes from my suitcase.

"Yeah, I don't know what it is but I can't get to sleep at a decent hour anymore." He grumbled.

"Maybe you need to talk about something, get something off your chest. That's usually the reason why I can't sleep." I divulged, shrugging my shoulders.

He sighed, annoyed. "Yeah, maybe you're right."

"Well lucky for you, you're talking to someone right now. Feel free to tell me your secrets." I joked.

"Haha. Maybe at a different time." He replied. "I just feel like... I need to hang with someone and maybe that will make me tired. But everyone's asleep."

"You could always hang out with me." I stated.

Skye, you're so stupid. Why would he want to hang wit-

"Are you sure? I mean, aren't you gonna be tired soon? Hasn't jetlag gotten to you yet?" He questioned.

"No, I don't mind hanging out with you, if that's what you want to do. The only problem is you would have to come get me because I don't really know where your house is." I explained.

"Yeah, no, I can come get you. Are you sure you want to hang out with me?" He asked again.

"I'm down to hang. Just hang up and I'll text you the address." I insisted, closing my suitcase.

"Okay, sounds good. Thanks. I'll see you in a bit." He affirmed.

I smiled, "Alrighty, see you soon. Bye."

"Bye." He said, ending the call.

I sent him the address and laid down on my bed, looking up at my ceiling. He replied to my message.

 Colby: cool i'll be there soon

 Holy shit, he's coming and I'm not ready at all.

I jumped up, looking around my room. I didn't want to get dressed up since we were literally just going to hang out for at most an hour. I did need some advice though. I opened my bedroom door and went down the hall to Casey's room. I knocked, hearing her yell back "Come in!"

I started speaking fast, "Hey so Colby's coming over in like twenty minutes to hang out with me and I'm concerned because I don't know what to wear and I'm freaking out because I did not plan for this to happ-"

She jutted in "I'm sorry, can you slow down a bit? Did you say Colby's coming over?"

"Yes. In like fifteen minutes. To hang out. With me." I sputtered.

"Oh my God that's great!" She exclaimed.

"It would be if I had planned this out better. But this is such a last-minute thing, and you know how much I hate last minute things. I need a plan and there isn't one here." I sighed, nervously.

"Calm down. Don't have a panic attack." She stated.

"Too late." I muttered, sitting on her bed.

"Look, Colby wouldn't be hanging with you if he didn't want to. So there's no need to be scared about that. Since it is late at night, don't change into anything too nice, otherwise it'll look like you tried. Just wear some sweatpants and a cami. Throw a plaid shirt on top and you're good to go." She smiled.

I nodded my head, "Thank you."

"No problem. Now, go get ready 'cause he'll be here soon. Text me if he makes you feel weird, I'll come get you if you need me to." She replied, walking me out of her room.

I turned back to her and hugged her, "Thanks Casey."

She hugged me back, "Don't mention it. Also, if you guys have sex, please tell me everything."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh my God Casey." I walked back to my room.

"What? If one of us gets laid, we need to live vicariously through the other." She stated, shrugging her shoulders. I laughed and closed my door.

I can't even think about that right now.

I grabbed my clothes to change into. I ran a brush through my hair and sprayed some perfume. I heard my phone vibrate, making my heart jump.

 Colby: i'm here

 I took a deep breath. Fuck, this is actually happening.

I walked out of my room and into the living room. I grabbed a set of keys, going over to the front door. I stepped out, seeing Colby's car sitting behind Casey's car. I waved, locking the door behind me.

I strolled over to his car, opening the passenger side door. I got in and turned towards Colby.

"Hi." I mumbled, smiling awkwardly.

"Hey." He replied, returning the awkwardness.

Nice.

"So, I'm not entirely sure where you wanted to go, since it's one in the morning and like, no places are open. So I was thinking we would just go back to my house and talk there, if you're cool with that." He stated, turning the car on.

"Uh, that sounds fine." I agreed, putting my belt on.

He nodded his head, backing the car out of the driveway.

"Oh by the way, I know this might be a lot to ask but I'm kinda hungry so... could we get food somewhere?" I asked, scrunching up my face.

"Sure. Where did you have in mind?" He responded.

"McDonalds?" I shrugged.

He smiled lightly, "Sounds good to me. Haven't been there in like... three days."

I laughed. "Is that a personal best?"

"How'd you know?" He smirked.

I rolled my eyes, chuckling back at him.

 << CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 6 >>

[despiteherself]

somewhat spoiler-y thoughts under the cut. don’t keep reading if you don’t want to see stuff about httyd3

okay. so overall i actually enjoyed httyd3 (surprising; i know). i do have lots and lots of complaints but the stuff i liked was exciting and interesting enough that i sort of just blacked out the bad stuff. and i’m going to love picking that stuff apart bc boy was there some cringy shit. especially if you don’t like hiccstrid, their scenes with actual relationship talk were awkward and wooden and god. the ending was SO :/ 

actual spoilers from here on out. you’ve been warned. 

grimmel was a lot more compelling as a villain. they sort of gave him a backstory thing and it kind of ruined it a bit for me bc it was basically “i killed a night fury as a boy and my village loved me for it so i killed all of them” but idk something about it was lacking and i was like. oh. did you guys not care enough to flesh this one out. actually, writing it down it sounds way better motivation than when he actually said it even tho it’s basically the same thing.

the deathgrippers were being controlled! grimmel was using their venom to mind control them, so any “alpha talk” didn’t get through to them and they did exactly what grimmel wanted. 

and hiccup didn’t give a shit lol. these dragons were constantly being drugged via needles in their head/neck and being forced to hunt and attack and carry grimmel around and hiccup didn’t even feel a little bit sorry for them or express any pain. the whole movie was kinda “wow ppl don’t deserve dragons we need to save them” but he didn’t express any empathy for dragons being used? not many were shown in this movie to be used, and even less that hiccup saw, but idk the whole “let the things you love go!” didn’t congeal well. 

further more, he made several terrible decisions for the entirety of berk, including running away to find the hidden world, which they had no proof even existed and absolutely kept walking exactly into everything grimmel wanted, but when ruff did it (after she was “captured” and let go she flies straight back the place they’ve settled leading grimmel back to new berk) it felt like it was being played as a WAY worse thing. like she was an idiot for doing it, and it was just! hiccup. every decision you’ve made has been panicked and blind and made your position worse and worse. 

gobber, valka and eret all get a little screen time, and they all play the naysayer stoick part? like “hiccup this is dangerous” and hiccup completely ignores them. them: hiccup we have advice hiccup: ok cool im not listening and i don’t want to hear it. they don’t even get to really explain their points of view ??????? 

valka’s other stuff is “oh we might have been followed leaving berk” and then her being all “astrid do u still love and believe in my son?????” what “he’ll listen to u” uhm ??? and no one else i get? ?/ they literally do not talk except about hiccup

gobber’s scene where he tells hiccup to marry astrid is so weird and awkward and only tuffnut yelling “oh no not the m word!” had anything that made it better. noah fence but astrid was all “that’s weird and awkward of you” and tells hiccup she thinks they’re “not ready for marriage” and the idea is silly and it 100% sounds like she’s not interested in him at all. and he’s obviously super invested and he’s all “haha maybe you can have snotlout” she makes “jokes” about snotlout being into valka. it was.... 

also. he ONLY mentioned snotlout when saying there’s other guys and idk. it ..... idk now i think about it it maybe feels the “joke” is kinda who would want snotlout which :/ but i guess means tuff and fishlegs are valid suitors? i don’t know 

hiccup in the whole was pretty weak tbh. like he didn’t stand out for me and most of his plot felt like it had a bunch of good ideas but they struggled putting it together. it’s like when u see a fic and u love the general idea but the execution is not how u would, and they go on and it’s like. i really really wouldn’t have 

they weirdly anthropomorphise toothless and then also. have him act like a dog and i found it disconcerting 

the light fury is genuinely super blobby and ugly and i cna’t believe they made me watch SO much of “uwuw sexy seductress” content and toothless being a complete airhead who licks a rock to “practice” for it. was weird and i was uncomfortable. 

also astrid is all “wow toothless has a girlfriend its so cute !!!!!!!” and they watch him watch other dragons doing mating dances and hiccup is like ‘i never pegged you for a romantic, like never” like get a fuckign hint !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she never kisses you on the cheek. astrid expressing sentiment cause she thinks something is romantic but never for your relationship is telling you A LOT about it 

honestly. they don’t do anything to make me convinced in ANY WAY that astrid is actually into him and wants to marry him for real. at their wedding she is SO wooden and when they kiss hiccup brings his hand up but astrid is just STANDING there,,, and they look so blank. it’s so. 

also. i was right astrid was mostly just a prop for hiccup’s story and she barely interacts with anyone that isn’t hiccup or valka, and when it’s valka it’s about hiccup. 

aside from toothless, and a little bit of stormfly, the gang’s dragons are mostly just. in the background and don’t really have anything to do with anything

behind everything there were this warlords, i didn’t pick up names and apparently they were the ones who were funding drago or whatever? and they call grimmel in bc he cares about killing night furies and are hoping that it’ll mean they get all the dragons. it was kinda. i sort of liked the idea but i felt it was shoved in, and they just mentioned drago to make it seem like it was planned when they came out of nowhere. and idk not planned at all. like an idea that was good but they didn’t edit everything to make sure it fit. a lot of stuff felt kind retcon-y like apparently stoick was “obsessed with finding the hidden world” and he even mentions in a flash back that it’s not the nest they’re looking for in httyd1 so it’s so weird like. and there was this ~journals~ stoick had about it and it’s just! they never ever mentioned this before gfhsdfjhdfgjdfgfdg guys. that’s so fucking messy and kinda annoying. in the grand scheme this retconning isn’t too much, but it’s enough that it’s like. none of this was planned and i can tell and instead of making it match up you just bluster through like “actually this always happened” as if u think i’m a dumbass who will just blindly believe whatever you tell me instead of a long time fan with a personal involvement.i know some of u read my blog,,, come on   

i didn’t cry at all like lol. i had fun but i wasn’t emotional. 

no characters die don’t worry

ruff was PERFECT and everything she did was wnoderful and i LOVE her so much! she got to speak A LOT and she’s all “it’s so tough being this hot” i love you girl, and she’s over eret and is like “wow he missed out” and talks about snotlout and fishlegs which was :///// but the guys don’t do the whole fighting over her thing so that’s! and she’s like “i guess fishlegs but he’s a nerd” and at the end he cries at the wedding and she’s like “wow i guess the sensitive guy wins” so a lot of her stuff was kinda about men ://// but herself was PERFECT and she boops grimmel’s face with the bobble ends of her hair pretending they’re a zippleback. she makes jokes about why is grimmel’s face so long, and her’s is long but WOW does that take the cake. and she says “astrid round face” it was so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s so good i love her 

rupple does a good job with tuff. the voice difference was noticeable and i kept thinking about it but i think he did well. tuff gets a bunch of speaking parts and he’s super involved with the whole wedding concept and he’s like “haha wow hiccy, a DOES NOT WANT to get married 2 u LOL. which is #tru cause like. she’s a viking warrior queen and you’re well you. you need to shape up. also. be more like me” which i will TAKE i cannot believe tuffstrid is REAL. also now im about 80% convinced hiccup and astrid took a break to see other ppl and tuffstrid fucked. tuff and astrid don’t really interact except for when they leave ruff behind but they KEEP on doing this whole, vibe thing that makes them seem like they’re good friends. like. tuff thinking he knows what astrids want or admires and he actually goes and all his advice/pep talk is like half leg jokes but it’s all good????? tuff has ear piercings, they’re SO on point they look so good, and he’s got rings all over his fingers i love this kid so much he’s so great. he calls his braid his beard and whenever anyone looks a little sad he like, shoves their face into his braid to comfort them.

also tuff says there’s no edge of the world cause actually it’s round like the sun and the moon and stars, even tho stars are dumb. 

i was right fishlegs’ first sentence is basically them all going “wow a nerd” akdshgfkdjghfg. he doesn’t get as much screen time as the others, and most of it is focused on fishmeat, who is ADORABLE and PERFECT. that big moose dragon meets fishmeat at the start and they become bffs and he defends his lil buddy

snotlout’s also not as much screen time, and most of it is him following valka around and being impressed with her and wanting her to say nice things about him. the rest is him getting caught on his cape. valka says nice stuff about eret cause he’s actually good at this planning stuff (except one bit thats played for jokes where snotlout is like “we should spilt up cause *good reasons*” and then eret is like “we should spilt up cause i feel like it” and valka’s all “i trust your instincts!!!!”. it was weird bc it was the only really good tactical decision snotlout made and it gets ignored) and he keeps getting his ego pumped up when he takes what valka says wrong - like she’s being polite, or there’s double meanings and he takes it like he’s good but all he did was get caught on a cage and hung there until hookfang picked him up - and at the end she says “eret maybe brawn, but you’re the brains” and snotlout feels validated again but he doesn’t really deserve it? like idk i wish she said something meaningful. it’s not kind to make someone feel like they’re good at something they’re not. you should encourage him when he’s doing well. 

eret is just kinda. around. doing things. and being like, snotlout’s “rival” for valka’s attention and eret is like. what are you on about lmao

also. i’ve seen some out of context spoilers and they mentioned something being gay but i don’t know where that’s from? snotlout kinda says some great things about eret but it’s a real squint and gobber says eret has the body of a norse god but then he says he does as well and then puts a crick in back when he’s stretching so it’s very clearly a joke and it’s definitely like ‘he’s fat and old and dirty its funny cause he thinks he’s attractive” rather than anything else

hmmMMmmMMMMM god ive forgotten what i’ve talked about and what i haven’t im sure i have more to say but this is already super long os. you can ask me questions if u like. send me an im or something 

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

Can I request the appearance and personality preferences with Aizawa and Hizashi?

| aizawa; headcanons.

appearance;

when it comes to appearance, he doesn’t really care - insofar as physical attraction isn’t necessary to him in a romantic relationship. there’s def stuff that gets him going, things he appreciates that can cause a stifled smoulder in his gut – but an s/o is there for love, in his book.

but, since we are here in the category ‘appearance’,..

it’s in details. the rounded curve of a shoulder as they twist to deal with an incoming punch; that split second when the little ‘v’ from shoulder to pectoral draws tight and ready, just before that sight is stolen as they move on – this readiness to deal with hardship. the solid shove of their back into rubble to keep it off a civilian; resolve and stubborn ability and compassion all in one.fingers carding through hair for it to be pulled out of their face, tied up or just flicked away. focus in the lines of an expression as they pick out what groceries that suit their dinner plans, or any plans at all. the way they make decisions and the way- oh, wait… that’s personality.

looks like aizawa’s more focussed on personality than appearance anyway, if it’s supposed to be attractive.

objectively, he can appreciate a fine pair of calves (fine-tuned by lots of running), or the long sweep of someone’s hair (not very practical, but if they’re able to deal with it then it’ll do). but he doesn’t really prefer anything.

except cats. cats are always good and loved unconditionally. i mean, you have to be a seriously vicious cat for aizawa not to love you.

but humans? ehh. literally why? what’s… the point of preferences… u got a face it’s for emoting and sensing and eating, it works doesn’t it?? u got limbs and if ur missing one you’re probably compensating for it with others, (if the loss troubles you, he’s willing to step in and help u find joy again bc dadzawa does that, albeit discreetly if at all possible). ur digestive system works right?? ur skeleton doin ok??? so it’s fine. ur fine. what more do u fuckin’ need, let this old man rest.

man, woman, anything between or around those. literally doesn’t matter, he doesn’t give two shits. how is that relevant?? is only relevant to u??? the finer labels of ur being aren’t for him cuz he doesn’t care abt labels, nor could he ever be as deeply involved in the hows and whats of u as u can be, ur just u??? cool cool move on.

personality;

spine. oh my god, absolutely spine. 

u can be a coward or a brave man, but at least be that because you have your own, characteristic principles that have you stand by yourself as you are.

some kind of code, certainly, a line drawn in the sand. there have to be things you wouldn’t stand for and would take action to deal with – though for the love of his sanity, don’t be stupid about it. 

he’s… going to need them to be somewhere in the Good alignment. he just - does. not. has no… just, dude. you don’t hurt people just because you have beef with something. solve your goddamn problems without making someone else suffer your pointlessly destructive immaturity.

of course some people don’t know they have better options; fair enough. if you’re willing, he’ll try to help you see and make use of those better options. but he’ll never stand by someone who hurts others for no good reason. never.

proactiveness is greatly appreciated and enjoyed.

aizawa loves when people are socially and emotionally competent (because he’s not), because it makes things go more smoothly. look at him and go ‘you’re not an asshole, you just don’t like to talk and have Strong Opinions’ and let him sleep.that said he can definitely develop a strong attraction to someone as ‘no.’ as he is.

protectiveness and compassion. you don’t have to be a hero or go as far as he does, but he needs someone who understands his deep-seated need to nurture and protect. interesting convos can be had with ppl who feel differently, but he wants understanding in his rom relationships.

wants to just be able to sit and cuddle (cat is not optional cat is Needed), and just. stare out into the distance for a while without letting the world be as much of a bother. 

mutual comfort and compassion, support, respect, and a lot of room for all involved personalities.the mutual part is highkey, because as much as aizawa has like. the dregs of energy lmao – he is all about that nurturing life. he can’t be in a relationship with someone he’s not allowed to care about actively. if you don’t want a mutually supportive and strong bond that goes ‘yeah you’re at your worst now, that’s okay. i’m gonna be at my worst like next week’s wednesday prob lmao’, then aizawa doesn’t want you.

| hizashi; headcanons.

appearance;

he absolutely does love prettiness, but it doesn’t… draw him in. he thought for the longest time that his type was long legs, short skirts, sweet lips – then aizawa grew into his stubble and oh jesus fuck-

i’m not sure hizashi is into ladies at all on levels other than platonic and aesthetic, but he doesn’t consider it ever so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who needs labels anyway.

he likes ‘em edgy. good lord let’s be real - hizashi loves dat edge. scruffiness, angular, dark hair, dark clothes, the contrast between pale skin and dark hair, some kinda non-conformist hairdo ( which, for dudes, can be as simple as long ).executive goth? punkgoth? casual goth?

he doesn’t really enjoy make-up. just nah. he likes to know what he’s looking at, likes to know if he reached out there’d be naked skin under his fingertips…

it’s nice if they shorter than him - taller people are giants, have u seen hizashi himself - but the best is equal height cuz then you can just face boop.yes, face boop. just - put ur face straight up against theirs. boop~!

ehrem.

long hair, idle fingers, twirly fabric, a surplus of buttons - anything for him to fidget or stim with is a definite plus.

defined calves are…… attractive….. thicc thighs make him the good kind of concerned for his well-being. he likes the places where bone shows - knees, elbows, knuckles, the bump on your wrist. it’s just very pretty to him and he loves tracing these edges over and over ehrem stimming ehrem.

are u fat? chubby? skinny? somewhere in between? good shit.

personality;

huggy. it’s okay if you’re just the kind to let him hug u, but at least in private he needs dat good ol’fashioned physical affection. huggy. much an’ many huggies.

caring, loving, nurturing. he adores gestures of affection, the more unabashed the better. although that’s mostly bc people’s discomfort makes him unhappy.

domestic. please. he’s a domestic kinda guy lookin’ for a domestic kinda life -- hero work is hectic enough, thanks. the simple old fashioned pleasures of coming home to make yourself a hot drink and sink into that seat you’ve worn a dent into. ready, silent hugs. fingers through hair. the absent petting here and there while ur deep in a book or tv show or thesis.just warm, reliable love.

hizashi is the absolute last person to care for a fling or skinny love. he prefers to have sex with sex workers or friends and foregoes hook-ups with strangers. here too it’s cameraderie, friendship - warm, reliable love.

please love his friends. they’re all one big happy family and he’s dying to include you; it’s cool if you don’t get along!! ...sad, but chill. not everyone clicks.still, though. he does need someone who’d be willing to make an effort.

he... loves.. sexiness. basically this means you’re comfortable propositioning him - not that you’re not/never shy! - that you enjoy chatting about sex and just. have a good ol’ time with it. this again bc ppl’s discomfort = sad hizashi, but also bc he just fucking loves sex. it’s nice! it’s fun! it’s a cute topic and way to get to know each other.

[theshelbyslimited]

THAT JOE PIC HAD ME 🥵💀 bc holy heck does he looks so damn fine in black, the hands also have me weak. akskdj ignore being a simp and let's just get into this new chapter!!!

"The pieces were there in front of me, I just had to put them together. I found that in Grace's jewelry box." "I had it confirmed by our security head. That address is the London flat rented by Martha Connolly, formerly of Birmingham" WOW. Grace, the absolute bitch that you are 😡 I feel so bad that Tommy is ridden w guilt bc of Grace's action bc it's not his fault. the accident obviously left its mentally scars on him, therefore causing the decision-making side of his brain to not be quiet as it used to be.

"I know I haven't been ... well, I haven't been the best brother. Or a good friend. To any of you. But I think I failed most with you, Finn. You and John." oh gosh, am I going to end up emotional @ some point during this chapter? 🥺

"What did you think was going to happen, Tommy? It's just a matter of time before Gemma convinces John to return to music. And then what? He convinces you to get the band back together? I did this for us. So that you wouldn't have to do that." WOWWW. what a selfish fucking bitch. so what if John did convince Tommy to get the band back together, if that's what would've made Tommy feel some semblance of happiness again, wouldn't you as his wife support that?!? this bitch 😡

"You used me. You saw an opportunity to control someone for your own gain, and you used me to do that. You never wanted me to go back to music, because you didn't think it was good enough, that I was good enough for you if I was a musician. All you saw was means to a very wealthy end." just when I thought I couldn't despise Grace more than I already do. I will always hate that about her character in general, the way Tommy never felt like he would've been good enough for her unless he reached a certain 'standard' that would please her. this is so heartbreaking though bc as if Tommy hadn't already been through enough w the accident, he's now been used by some gold digging bitch who just wanted to manipulate him and mold him into the person SHE'D like him to be 😡

"I'm right, then. You used me, and you used the worst night of my brother's life, not to mention my own, to manipulate the situation to stay in your favor. For a reason that isn't even real. If John wants to return to music, that's his choice. Gemma's feelings for him are genuine, I don't doubt that. And on top of it all, you hurt the one person your son is closest to in this family." FUCK YOU GRACE!!! YOU GODDAMN PUTA!!!

"He could feel rage pulsing through him, not just for himself, and for Martha, but for Tommy and Charlie as well. This woman had rolled into Tommy's life, seen an opportunity, and took full advantage. Even at the expense of her own son's feelings." MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. poor Charlie + Tommy 😔

"I am truly sorry for you being involved in this. What Grace did was directed at you as well, and I wish I had seen it far sooner." oh Tommy, you couldn't have seen this coming bc that's unfortunately how self-righteous, manipulative ppl work 😥

"She's responsible for her own actions, Tommy. I don't blame you for what happened. She saw someone in pain and took advantage of that back when you first met. I know John wants to talk to you about music, and you returning to it or not is your choice. But really think hard about it. Is there a part of you that would be denied? You suffered a great loss as well, and maybe for you, the music went with it. Just be sure you're being honest with yourself." LOVE YOU GEMMA. she's so thoughtful and empathetic, I adore her character w my entire heart + soul ❤️

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure. I think right now, you and I should take advantage of the very large shower in our very large hotel bathroom, so we can get ready for our evening. Thoughts?” SIR, I like the way you think 😏

“Are you trying to kill me, Mr. Shelby?” HONESTLY THOUGH. the all-black look on him has my ovaries exploding like wildfire 😫

“All I can think about is you being naked in our bed and my fingers inside you.” OOOF PLEASE I AM SO WEAK FOR HIM 🥵

"So he continued, trying to replace every stain of rage with how it felt to be with the girl he loved, the image of her against the wall, the bright lace of her bra against freckled skin, the sound of her breathing, the way she looked at him in complete and total lust." I AM DEADDD 🥵😭

this chapter was an emotional rollercoaster and my heart hurts so much for poor Tommy, I have hope that the family and Gemma will be there for him and Charlie though. I am forever weak for John + Gemma and their sensual smut never fails to make me feel so goddamn weak. AMAZING WORK AS ALWAYS 🙌🏽

Electric: Chapter 17

Modern John Shelby AU

This fic is being posted simultaneously on FanFiction.net and Ao3. Classy smut warning beginning with Chapter 5.

The way in which I would do anything for that man, especially looking like he does in the photo above ... dear Lord. Heavy inspiration for the final part of this chapter. @holidaywishes - all I can say is neck and hand content. Neck. And. Hand. Content. 😭😭😭

Chapter 16 J&Gem Chats 14 Electric Masterlist

Electric

Chapter 17: Betrayal

Tommy arrived at Ada's doorstep at nine the following morning, after a sleepless night, pacing his office floor. He'd seen Charlie off to school and then immediately headed out. Grace had watched him leave the apartment, a cold silence seeping across the penthouse as he turned to look at her while he closed the door. His eyes had gone to ice, and it seemed like everything he'd ever felt for her had vanished in an instant.

"Tommy? Are you alright?" Ada asked as she opened the door and ushered him inside.

"We need to talk. Where are Arthur and Finn?" Tommy responded, standing awkwardly in the foyer. He hadn't spent enough time at Ada's, and he knew it.

"Arthur's in the kitchen, I think Finn's still asleep. I'll go get him." Ada replied, starting for the stairs.

"I'll do it, you wait with Arthur. Karl's off to school, yeah?"

"Yes. Tommy, what is going on?"

"Just wait in the kitchen, we need Finn for this."

"He's on the third floor, first door on the left." 

Tommy headed up the stairs and Ada watched him for a moment, every warning bell going off in her head. He seemed unhinged, but holding himself together, which made him seem even more unstable somehow. She headed towards the kitchen at the back of the ground floor, knowing that the day was about to blow up.

Tommy stepped into Finn's room, finding his youngest sibling indeed still asleep. Memories from years before popped into his head, the weekends he'd sober up enough to stay with John and Finn, making Finn breakfast in the morning to give John a break. When had he stopped taking care of his own brothers and sister?

"Finn, it's Tommy. I need you to wake up." Tommy said in a calm voice, shaking Finn's shoulder.

"Tommy? What's going on?" Finn mumbled as he opened his eyes to find Tommy staring down at him.

"I need your help. Get dressed and meet us down in the kitchen, ok?" 

Finn nodded, fear rising in the back of his mind as he watched Tommy smile at him wanly, and then exit the room. Tommy's behavior was highly unusual, and it threw Finn off so much that he got right up and started pulling clothes out the dresser.

He walked into the kitchen to find Ada and Arthur sitting at the table, each giving Finn an uneasy look. Tommy was propped against the glass door that led out to the back garden, his back to the room, a cup of coffee in his hand. Finn quietly took a seat and stared at Arthur, who shrugged back at him.

"Finn's here, Tom. Time to tell us what's going on. You're scaring me." Ada spoke, trying to keep her voice level.

"My mind's being going a million miles a minute, since Saturday night. The fact that John thought that I might have ... anyway. It's all I've been thinking about, going over the possible options of who did it, who invited Martha, and why. The first idea that popped into my head, I thought it couldn't be, why would they do that? But it turns out I was right." Tommy said, turning towards the table.

The Shelbys seated at the table watched as Tommy placed a small piece of paper in the middle of the table and then stepped back, as if the paper were a contagious disease. Ada picked it up and then looked up at Tommy in surprise.

"See, the only way I could figure it, John, too, was that whoever invited Martha either did it intentionally to hurt John or to break him and Gemma up. It didn't seem like the small list of suspects would have any reason to just hurt him, so I went to option two. What would someone gain, or put an end to, if they split those two up? I couldn't quite figure it out, but it seemed like the ultimate goal was to hurt me in the end."

'Tommy, do you really think - " Arthur began and then closed his mouth when Tommy shook his head.

"The pieces were there in front of me, I just had to put them together. I found that in Grace's jewelry box." Tommy said quietly, looking at out the garden once again, ashamed to meet any of his siblings’ gaze.

Ada covered her mouth in shock while Arthur picked up the piece of paper to see what it said.

"What is it?" Finn asked.

"An address. For M.C." Arthur responded, the pieces falling into place.

"I had it confirmed by our security head. That address is the London flat rented by Martha Connolly, formerly of Birmingham." Tommy replied, his voice detached.

"What the fuck?" Finn whispered to himself.

The siblings sat in silence after Tommy gave them the full story, Arthur retrieving a bottle of whiskey from the front parlor. They each took a shot, Tommy a double, and then waited for him to speak again.

"I need to tell John myself, in person. Finn, will you come with me?" Tommy asked.

For the first time since speaking what had happened, Tommy looked Finn in the eye, and Finn could see the hurt and guilt that Tommy carried. No one had ever quite understood how exactly Tommy had gotten so cold and removed, but Finn was starting to understand now. Grace.

"Yeah, of course I'll go with you. They should be at the hotel, I think he planned to be there until that meeting you two have this afternoon at the Eden." Finn responded.

Tommy nodded and stood, looking down for a moment into the empty whiskey glass. Every choice he'd made in the nearly nine years he'd been with Grace felt like a mistake. Except for Charlie.

"I know I haven't been ... well, I haven't been the best brother. Or a good friend. To any of you. But I think I failed most with you, Finn. You and John." Tommy said quietly, looking up to find his siblings looking back.

"You're doing the right thing now, Tom. Let's get through this first, and we can talk about the past later. Alright?" Arthur replied, rising from his seat and putting a hand on Tommy's shoulder.

Tommy nodded and walked towards the front door, Finn following behind. He turned to look at Ada, who nodded and smiled in reassurance. 

************************************************************************

John lay half on top of Gemma, his head against her stomach, arm wrapped under her waist. It was the kind of morning John had fantasized about in the ten years prior. Quiet, slow, the air heavy with need and desire, all the time to satisfy his craving. He had just needed the right person to have that kind of morning with. Gemma ran her hand through his hair, pulling gently as he kissed her skin, down to the edge of her underwear.

A buzzing and blinking light interrupting her haze, Gemma looked over to John's nightstand and saw that his phone was lit up with an incoming call.

"J, your phone's ringing." 

"We're busy." John replied with a smirk as he looked up at her.

Gemma grinned back and John continued what he was doing, one hand running across her ribcage before trailing back down. Gemma could see his phone light up again, and John groaned in frustration as he heard the buzzing.

"Can't I get more than one day alone with my girl in this family? For fuck's sake." He mumbled into her side.

Gemma reached for the phone, barely grasping it in her fingertips, looked at the screen and sighed.

"Babe, it's Finn. He's called three times. I think you have to answer." 

John held up his hand for the phone and turned so that the side of his face was against her hip, putting the phone to his free ear.

"Finn, what's going on?" John asked, trying not to sound annoyed.

Gemma ran her fingers over the side of the shaved part of his head, listening vaguely to the conversation. She knew something was up, just based on the time of morning alone, Finn was rarely up and out this early. But she wanted to ignore it, to stay in this moment, to let John have her however he wanted. Because he always knew exactly what she wanted, too.

John hung up the phone and hugged Gemma to him, closing his eyes in frustration. Finn had said that Tommy needed to talk, and as irritated as John was with the interruption, he also had to assume it was something major. Because, realistically, the Tommy of the past several years never went out of his way for anyone.

"Tommy needs to talk, him and Finn will be here in twenty." John said as looked up at Gemma again.

"Promise me we'll continue this later?" Gemma responded with a pout.

"Oh I promise, love. This will be on my mind all day, swear to that." John replied, kissing her hip before getting up.

************************************************************************

Twenty five minutes later, John opened the suite door to a somber Tommy and a nervous Finn. He led them into the living area, where Gemma sat on the couch.

"John, have a seat, would you?" Tommy said, trying to remain casual.

Gemma raised an eyebrow to Finn, who shook his head and widened his eyes to communicate that the situation was indeed not good. Tommy watched John sit next to Gemma, and she turned towards him a bit, as John put his arm around her shoulder. She was wearing lounge shorts and what was clearly John's hoodie, and Tommy thought vaguely to himself that they'd likely still been in bed when Finn called.

Wordlessly, Tommy took the chair closest to John and handed over the small piece of paper. John looked it at, Gemma leaning over to see, and they both looked up at Tommy at the same time.

"I'm assuming this is Martha's address. Where did this come from, Tommy?" John asked, the rage that had cooled down starting to simmer again.

Tommy looked at Finn who looked back at him in terror.

"Tommy. You better tell me where you found this." John said, his voice hitting the eerie calm before the rage storm.

"In Grace's jewelry box." Tommy finally replied, the words hurting as he spoke them.

John sat back as Gemma put a hand on his thigh and he pulled her closer into him. He'd never trusted Grace, not from the moment he met her, but he'd pushed it aside because Tommy seemed happy. And then Charlie came along, and he felt stuck, unable to say anything about the mother of his nephew, who was so attached to him.

"What in the actual fuck is going on, Tommy?" John said, forcing his brother to meet his eye.

"What have you done, Grace? What the fuck have you done?" Tommy asked.

Grace looked back at him, her fear now tamped down by a cold confidence. Tommy could see it as it took over.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Thomas." Grace replied.

"I found this in your jewelry box. An address, with the initials M.C. Seems a little close to the name Martha Connolly, doesn't it?"

"You think I invited her?"

"There's no other option. I've thought through every scenario I can come up with. The only people with that much access to the office are my brothers, Ada, Anna, Lizzie, Esme, Alison, Aunt Poll, our two office assistants, and you. The ones who even know who Martha is brings that list down. The depths of damage that could be caused? We're looking at Shelby family members, Lizzie, and maybe Esme.  

But who gains from this? Who gains from bringing up a tragedy of that degree? Either someone who wants to just hurt John, or someone who wants to break up John and Gemma. That eliminates every person on that list with solid reason, one would think. But something made me keep coming back to you as the culprit, Grace. I know I'm right. I just don't know why."

"Do you not trust me, Tommy? Why would I do that? Lizzie had feelings for John, maybe she's jealous that he's in a serious relationship again. Or Esme, perhaps she likes him."

"All fair points, except the address is in your jewelry box."

"Well I didn't put it there, and how do you know it's her address for sure?"

"I've had it verified by Scudboat. Who also spent all of today with his team checking the security cameras at the office. It's Martha's address. And the only person who's been in the office long enough to do this, who isn't an employee, is you. I've already asked Francis to check the visitor list for the building, neither Lizzie or Esme have been here in months. So tell me, Grace, why did you do it?"

"What did you think was going to happen, Tommy? It's just a matter of time before Gemma convinces John to return to music. And then what? He convinces you to get the band back together? I did this for us. So that you wouldn't have to do that." 

Tommy looked at Grace for the longest moment of his life. What she was saying made no sense and all the sense. They had met just over a year after the accident, a year into the Peaky Blinders hiatus. At the time, he'd found her encouragement to do something outside of music to be positive and helpful. But now, looking back, he could see it all for what it really was.

"You used me. You saw an opportunity to control someone for your own gain, and you used me to do that. You never wanted me to go back to music, because you didn't think it was good enough, that I was good enough for you if I was a musician. All you saw was means to a very wealthy end."

Grace's silence was Tommy's confirmation that he was right. She saw that he had the mind for business, to build something from the ground up, something that she could take advantage of. Show off to her family and friends that her husband was an up and coming leader in London. Complete with a penthouse at the top of a glass tower to house her cold, cold heart.

"I'm right, then. You used me, and you used the worst night of my brother's life, not to mention my own, to manipulate the situation to stay in your favor. For a reason that isn't even real. If John wants to return to music, that's his choice. Gemma's feelings for him are genuine, I don't doubt that. And on top of it all, you hurt the one person your son is closest to in this family."

Tommy walked to the bedroom door, turning one last time to look at Grace. The look in her eyes was one he'd never seen. A look of betrayal that he could never have imagined.

John leaned back against the sofa, closing his eyes as Tommy finished the tale. Bloody hell.

He could feel rage pulsing through him, not just for himself, and for Martha, but for Tommy and Charlie as well. This woman had rolled into Tommy's life, seen an opportunity, and took full advantage. Even at the expense of her own son's feelings. 

"What are you going to do?" John asked as he lifted his head back up to look at Tommy.

"I can't stay with her. It's unforgivable. There's a small apartment a few buildings over I recently bought as an investment property, I'll stay there for now I guess."

John nodded and Tommy turned to look at Gemma, who was sitting quietly with a shocked expression.

"Gemma, may I speak with you privately?" Tommy asked.

Gemma nodded and stood up, kissing John's cheek before she followed Tommy out onto the terrace.

"I am truly sorry for you being involved in this. What Grace did was directed at you as well, and I wish I had seen it far sooner."

"She's responsible for her own actions, Tommy. I don't blame you for what happened. She saw someone in pain and took advantage of that back when you first met. I know John wants to talk to you about music, and you returning to it or not is your choice. But really think hard about it. Is there a part of you that would be denied? You suffered a great loss as well, and maybe for you, the music went with it. Just be sure you're being honest with yourself."

"I understand what Aunt Poll means about you. You see people, what they want, what they need. I know you aren't out to manipulate my brother." Tommy said, the realization hitting him.

Gemma nodded with a small smile, letting Tommy look her in the eye. She saw his pain, his grief, a brilliant man with a misguided notion of how to run from that pain and grief. Tommy let his intuition read her, and only saw loyalty and love for his brother, for the Shelby family. A strength within her they did not know they needed, that would prop John up when his own pain became too much sometimes. Tommy saw it all clicking into place now.

They went back inside to find John and Finn sitting in silence, mulling over what had just happened.

"There's some things I need to take care of right away. John, can you take the meeting with the council inspector this afternoon?" Tommy said as he reached for his keys.

"Sure, no problem. We're just finalizing the personal licence for the bar, right? Finn can come with me." 

"Yes. I'll be in touch later. Thanks." 

John walked Tommy to the door and hugged him on impulse. Tommy stiffened and then gave in to his brother's hug, knowing this was just the beginning of a huge upheaval in his life. The only thing he knew how to do was work, and there was work to be done now, to dismantle his marriage.

"I'm really sorry, Tommy. I wish it hadn't been Grace." John said quietly as he held the door open.

"I know. I'll be in touch, brother." Tommy replied, patting John's shoulder.

John watched Tommy walk down the hall, shoulders slumped down, head hung low. It wasn't until Tommy entered the elevator and turned around that John saw his brother's strength rise up, as he lifted his head, stood tall, and nodded in a silent response that he was on a mission.

************************************************************************

Gemma smiled to herself at the thought of continuing what John had started this morning. After a very subdued attempt to eat lunch following Tommy's visit, John and Finn had headed over to the Eden.

Gemma had agreed to sit on in a call with a band she'd worked with previously in the US, who were being scouted by the sister label to Church Street Records. The distraction had been welcome, and now she felt she was able to process what happened with a clearer mind.

John had made a reservation for that evening at a restaurant nearby that the family frequented a lot. They both knew that just sitting and dwelling on what Grace had done wasn't going to help either of them, so Gemma was glad to see that John was still interested in going.

As he walked back to The Gibson from the Eden, having seen Finn off in a car back to Ada’s, John’s mind wandered. He still couldn’t believe that Grace had been the one to invite Martha. It was one thing to have some fear that Tommy would go back to the Blinders (even if that fear seemed ridiculous), but to invite Martha, knowing it would cause not only John pain, but Martha, Tommy, Arthur, and Freddie as well? It was cruel.

Ten minutes later he opened the door to the hotel suite, finding Gemma lounging on the terrace, late afternoon sun breaking through the clouds. She seemed to be deep in thought, staring out into the distance while absentmindedly sipping from a straw.

“I’m back, love.” John said as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind and kissed her cheek.

“How did it go?” Gemma asked, putting a hand on his forearm.

“Good, everything is set for the opening. What are you thinking about?”

“Looks like I’ll be going to New York next month, just for a few days. Represent this band I used to work with.” Gemma replied, tilting her head back against his.

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure. I think right now, you and I should take advantage of the very large shower in our very large hotel bathroom, so we can get ready for our evening. Thoughts?”

John stood and held a hand out as Gemma smiled in response and took his hand, letting him lead her inside. She sat on the edge of the tub, watching as he gathered towels and turned on the shower water. John caught her eye with a small smirk as he pulled off his shirt, letting Gemma stare before slowly moving to undo his belt. She walked over and moved his hands, unbuckling the belt herself and then his jeans, letting them fall to the floor. 

Somehow he managed to kiss her and undress her at the same time, stepping backwards into the large glass shower, pulling her forwards into him. Steam rose as they stood under the dual shower heads, not breaking eye contact. It was only then that John let down his guard, let the emotions from the day come out, dropping his head against Gemma's shoulder as he held her.

“We’re ok, J. Tommy and Charlie will be, too.” Gemma said in his ear, holding onto the back of his neck.

John nodded and let the water rush over him, listening to Gemma speak to him softly. Her hand against his neck, the other running up and down his spine. He pressed his lips against her cheek, holding her body against his with one hand as he moved the other slowly down her side.    

“I don’t want this to ever change, Gem.” John said out loud, somehow feeling safer in the sound of the water falling.

“It won’t.” Gemma replied, moving her head to look up into the grey blue that seemed endless.

That night at dinner, Gemma could barely keep her eyes (and hands) off John as they sat in a private booth. She’d nearly fallen back on to the bed in their room as he’d come out of the bathroom in all black - black pants, black belt, black shirt loosely unbuttoned at the top. His hair was slicked back into it’s usual style, shirtsleeves rolled up.  

“Are you trying to kill me, Mr. Shelby?” Gemma asked, hand to her chest as she regained air.

“Just making sure you’re ready for later, darlin’.” John murmured in her ear, holding his hands behind his back, his breath sending shivers down her neck.

Gemma stood still as he reached out one hand, carefully running his finger over the strap of her top, taking note of the color of the bra strap beneath, then slowly across her collarbone, and down, ending at the top of her jeans. 

“Oh I’ll be ready.” She’d breathed out.

Now, John’s hand was sliding up her leg, over her jeans, and she could barely focus on finishing the plate in front of her. Every person in the dining room had watched as they’d passed, John’s confidence and charisma oozing off of him as he swaggered between tables, a hand on Gemma’s lower back. She could feel the jealous stares, and she had to admit it was a little fun to be on the arm of John Shelby. Scratch that. The most fun.

John was completely aware of what he was doing to her, watching her take a bite of her food, her eyes glancing at his bare neck, then back up to his face, flushing as she realized he’d seen. It was completely adorable to him. She didn’t seem to realize that she did the same thing to him. The way he could just see the edge of her bra under her top, her collarbone highlighted by several chains. The way he could feel how much she wanted him.

He leaned over, sliding his hand further up her leg as he did, Gemma watching the tendons in his neck flex against his skin, slightly flushed. 

“All I can think about is you being naked in our bed and my fingers inside you.” John whispered in her ear, ghosting his lips over her neck.

“You better get the bill soon, then.” Gemma managed to reply, her face flushing red.

Anyone who looked in their direction would see how much they wanted each other. Pupils wide, little space between them. John’s hand disappearing under the table, Gemma’s million glances towards his open shirt collar. It was palpable. 

John quickly signaled the waiter for the check, paying in record speed. They managed to walk back to The Gibson, Gemma laughing as she linked her arm through John’s. The loaded gaze he gave her as they waited to cross an intersection was enough to make her want him then and there in a back alley.

John slid his arm down and gripped her hip while they rode the elevator up to their floor, turning her into towards him. Gemma reached up to touch the exposed skin where his shirt was opened, the contact sending electricity through his body.

He flung the suite door closed, picking Gemma up at the same time. She kissed his neck and then down to his collarbone, sliding her hand underneath his shirt. John leaned against the entry wall, head back.

“Gemma … fuck … “ he moaned quietly, holding her up around his hips.

Gemma found herself being carried into the living area, John setting her up on a side counter. In seconds he had her down to her bra and underwear, and she took the opportunity to unbutton his shirt completely, putting her lips to each new place that a button revealed.

She looked up at John, his eyes molten blue as he looked back down at her. He picked her up once more, kissing her with such intensity Gemma felt like she would never breathe again, but it felt so good she didn’t care. 

John propped her against the wall by the bedroom, and ran his hand down, pushing aside her underwear. He slid one of his fingers into her easily, the foreplay of the evening helping things along. He heard Gemma moan his name as he slid in a second, the need to be completely consumed by her taking over. 

Gemma reached down and undid his belt buckle and pants, pushing them down with her feet. He was rock hard against her inner thigh and all she could think about was him being inside her, shirt open, pounding into her against the wall. She reached down again to touch him and John caught the look in her eye, the look that was asking for him to be rough.

Before she could even make a move, he pushed up into her so quickly it made her gasp, head back against the wall, looking up at the shadows the chandelier made. John put a hand next to her head and she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his neck. She could feel the last barrier in him still up, the part of him that wanted to go harder and faster, to break through all the anger and hurt that had built up in the past few days. And yet, she’d never feel safer with anyone else.

“It’s ok, baby,” she whispered in his ear, “let go.” 

John moaned at the words, pushing into Gemma so far she saw stars. But her fingers running through the back of his hair and her lips against his jawline were a signal that she felt safe. So he continued, trying to replace every stain of rage with how it felt to be with the girl he loved, the image of her against the wall, the bright lace of her bra against freckled skin, the sound of her breathing, the way she looked at him in complete and total lust.

[noncompliant-fuckery]

Questions? :D

As you wish 😇1.You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? - Soo… round 2 cause I’m need memories in order to say I'm not a virgin anymore lmao2.What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? -Were both just living our lives. 3.If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? -Nah, I just might try it with them honestly. 4.Is your last name longer than six letters? -It's exactly 6 😎5 .Was your last kiss drunk or sober? -Sober. 6.Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? -I'm good at fucking up shit. 7.What does your last received text say? -at this moment, you just sent “I fell asleep😛” 8.How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? -A lot, nobody counts that shit. 9.Where was your last kiss at? -Case High School I think. 10.When was the last time you saw your sister? -the 17th, that night. 11.What do you drink in the morning? -Water. 12.Where did you sleep last night? -In my dorm room. 13.Do you think relationships are hard? -They require a little work here and there but not necessarily a complicated thing to go through. They can be very simple if you allow it. Then again it depends on the circumstances I guess. 14.If you can go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? -Idk now. Maybe small things but the way things have turned out as of right now, I'm alright with it. It obviously wasn't the end of the world. 15.You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? -Nah not really. It ended because it had to and we both had to figure out our own shit. If anything, we’d have a chat about our lives since then, after all he was my best friend back then. I for one would want to debunk some rumors about him being some kind of addict. 16.Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? -Sunny 🌞🌞🌞🌈17.Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? -My middle name is very common; Renee. My mom named me after some woman she admired. But my old roommate Lindsey, me and her had the same middle name. It was weird but it was perfect. Still my favorite roommate ever. 18.Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants? -White/tan shorts actually. 19.Do you think you'll be in a relationship 3 years from now? -That's assuming I can see into the future and I unfortunately can not. My track record so far says no but I'm optimistic nonetheless. 20.Does anyone like you? -Yea 😎21.Have you ever kissed anyone with a name that starts with an S? -No I have not lol22.Is the last person you kissed gay? -Yup🌈23.Is there a person you CANNOT stand? -There have been, but they are irrelevant as of now. Exactly how I like them 😁😈24.Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? -Many of times. I want a armband on my forearm. I want an elephant outline and a turtle maybe on my ankle or maybe shoulder. I also want a back piece but that's gonna hurt like a bitch and I'm not sure of what yet. 25.In the past week have you cried? -Nope. Takes a lot for me to really cry.26.What breed was the last dog you saw? -Don't know breeds like that but it was black and light brown/blonde. It looked just out of its puppy stage. A teenage puppy. It was in the garden below my window with its owner. 27.Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? -A combination of both. Just to not track too much water on the floor. Cause I'm not gonna clean that up if I do. 28.Have you ever kissed a football player? -Nope. 29.Do you think you're old? -eh sometimes. Just adult old tho like I'm not ready for all that adult, you know? 30.Do you like text messaging? -Depends on who I'm texting but yes I prefer it. 31. What type of day are you having?-Chaotic. But it has its moments. 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?-Not seriously. 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?-Warm. 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?-My dad35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?-Relationship 36. Are you a simple or complicated person?-Complicated I think. What do you think? I'm curious 37. What song are you listening to?-Focus by H. E. R. Something I've been thinking about signing at one point actually. 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?-Truly 🙍39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?-Yes, you know too much lol40. What made you start liking the person you like now?-You make me smile. 41. When did you last receive a text message?-2:59pm42. What is wrong with you right now?-Too much homework and my classes stress me out and I wish I had the summer away from school and I want to go away somewhere and I want to go to the beach and to be quite honest I'm sexuality frustrated lol but none of this is real news 😶43. How well do you know the last female you texted?-quite well 😈44. Does anyone disgust you?-eh, not really 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?-Depends on who that someone is. 46. Are you in a good mood right now?-Sort of. I've had my nap today 😇47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?-The chick at the front desk who swiped me into the building. 48. What color shirt are you wearing?-Oh look, I'm actually wearing a shit this time haha it's white and gray and teal with black lobsters and crabs all over lol49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?-I'm in college. Any mentions of homework is something I don't want to hear. 50. Anyone you’re giving up on?-Don't think so. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?-Nope, I've moved on. 52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?-Oh yea53. Do you like rain?-Depends on the circumstances but yes. 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?-Nope. I'll ask for a sip every once in awhile 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?-Many of times. 56. Do you like to cuddle?-I'd like to cuddle57. Are you shy?-The shyest 58. Do you get along with girls?-Yep59. Have you dated the person you texted last?-Nope60. What do you carry with you at all times?-My wallet with my keys in them and a charger adapter cause not a lot of ppl have the same charger as me. Some meds for dairy consumption. Carmex, and phone. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?-Sure only if I can camp out right in front of the door but let me hear and see some bullshit that's too close to me and I'm fucking out!62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?-Definitely 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?-Nope64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?-Very65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?-I think something did but I can't remember what it was exactly. It'll require me to look back at some stuff but I'm lazy these days lol66. How old are the last three people you kissed?-Same age as me now I guess67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    -Do them myself. I'm not into going to salons and all that shit. I'm very low maintenance. I haven't painted my nails since high school and when I did, it was always black nail polish.68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    -neither but I'll go with leopard print if I must. 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    -I have no car. And the cars I use don't have them either. 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    -I was a little bit into Lil Wayne in middle school/high school. 71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?    -Android 😊72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    -It's been such a long time now.. Give me pizza? 73. Do you like diet soda?    -I barely taste the difference so I'd drink whatever is available to me honestly. 74. What color are the walls in your room?    White.. There are plenty of paintings to make up for it tho. Very homey like. 75. Are you 16 or older?    -22 😏76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    -okay here we go.. I used to be all for it because Emily was gay but the whole “who is A?” thing got out of hand. Oh and then the whole “let's kill off Emily's love interest, Maya” thing 💔 And then the “let's not tell the police we're being stalked by a killer because the stalker will tell my mom my dad's a cheater” or shit like that. Or the whole “I'm going to reveal this person as A and they finally get put in jail and then get out of jail cause y'all dumb asses felt remorse for the bitch like yall real shit didn't just get tortured in a fucking life sized ass doll house!” Like really!? And then another A pops up and shit and like if y'all don't stop fucking around and end this shit and get it over with! Idk even know why everybody hate them so much to torture them for years like that, just wild af. I think this shit got more seasons than supernatural lowkey lol. But I think/hope they are on their last round of the show this year so yay for that lolSorry I've got strong feelings towards this show… 77. Do you have a job?    -Yea at this bitch ass cafeteria in my dorm. 78. What are your initials?    -SRW 😇79. Did you ever have braces?    Nope but I know I need them. 80. Are you from the south?    No, north? 81. What does your last status on facebook say?    -”6 more weeks.. ⌚🙇🙏😓” but now I'm down to 5 🙌82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    -Nope. 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    - tough question. I think it's equal.84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    -gymnastics 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    -Wonder Woman😍 86. Do you smoke?    -nope87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?   - flip flops. Fuck heels. 88. Is your phone touch screen?    -who doesn't have a touch screen unless they're old or stuck with a old model until they get theirs fixed or replaced 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    -all natural. No heat has touched my hair in like 2 years now, not even a blow dryer. So very curly /kinky. But I normally wear my hair in braids so yea haha90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?   -don't think so91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    -Pool. But I like waves so lakes are cool too92. Have you ever made out in a car?    -Nope93. …Had sex in a car? -only in my head if that counts lol ... I know it doesn't 😞94. Are you single or in a relationship?   -single95. What were you doing last night at midnight?  -Finishing reading this packet on why fluency in asl for a non-native signer is hard if not almost impossible. Which is like a huge fuck you to me wanting fluency. Apparently even after I graduate and become a certified interpreter in like 3 or 4 years I'm still gonna be not near as fluent compared to a native. I may appear so to others but in reality there's so much to this language other than knowing a bunch of signs. So much more. 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?-Last year maybe or two years ago on the 4th of July.   97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  -Its iight.  98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? -Can't say that I have sadly. 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?  -My sister made a blanket nest on her bedroom floor for me once and kind of just tossed me in and told me to sleep and I did ? I was very fucked. I didn’t stay sleep though, had to keep getting up to puke. lol100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?-Not anymore, I think I got rid of everyone that annoyed me.

[bazzledazzled]

Stars

Lol um…. I’m actually writing Dalex fanfiction guys this is real XD (I ship it so hard #otp). 

So hehehe um…. Main four of da fam go camping? Anyone? hehehehe um… here’s the um…. I guess first official fanfic of the fandom, right? So ye here’s for the ppl that ship @alexfierrno and @desthedemon x3

Alex shut the trunk of their ‘67 Chevy Impala, packing away the last of their suitcases and camping suplies. The rest of the family, Des, Mim, and Candy, were already in the car, ready for the three hour drive to a campground in the middle of nowhere. You could practically feel the excitement radiating from them. 

Alex leaned on the side of the car, taking one last look at the big city, running a hand through her green hair. The sun was dipping below the horizon, outlining the tall buildings. She heard a door slam shut and she turned toward it to see Des, her black trench coat blowing out behind her in the wind. She smiled. 

“You almost ready to go?” Des says. Alex bites her lip, taking a deep breath. She smiles at Des. 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just been a while since we had the family go on a trip. And this is the first time with the kids.” Des leaned her head on Alex’s shoulder.

“I know. But it’ll be fun.”

“I know.” Alex pushes herself off of the side of the Impala, standing in front of Des.

“C’mon. Let’s get going before Candy and Mim tear each other apart.” Des giggles at that, then both of them get in the car just in time to stop a full on war. Then the trip starts. 

About ten minutes in, Candy falls asleep in the middle of a rant about one of her favourite books. Twenty minutes later, Mim falls asleep, curled up in the form of a dog. The car is silent.

Des reaches into the car visor, pulling out a CD labeled “Sherlock’s Music”. She has a devilish grin on her face. Alex turns her attention away from the road for one second, and she giggles.

“Des the kids are asleep.”

“Eh. They won’t care.” Alex rolled her eyes, but there was a smile on her face. Des put the CD into the ancient radio, then fiddled with the controls until she found the right song. She had an evil grin on her face as she turned the volume up, and immediately “Carry On My Wayward Son” came on. She started singing at the top of her lungs.

“CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOONNNN,” she sings, “THERE’LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONEEEE.”

“Lay your weary head to rest,” Alex sings, a hint of a smile on her face.

“Don’t ya cry no more!” they finish up together, then erupt in a fit of giggles, Des making a sound that sounded an awful lot like a snort.

“I love you, John,” Des says.

“I love you too, Sherlock.”

“Are we there yet?” Candy says, immediately after she wakes up. Alex smiles.

“Yes. We are.” They pull up to a small cabin where they’re supposed to check in. Des and Candy get out to figure out where they should put up their tent. They come out holding packets of graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate. Candy was also holding one of those pans of popcorn that you’re supposed to pop over a fire. Alex knew she shouldn’t have trusted them to go in there alone. She started the car and it roared to life just as Candy and Des came back in. Mim woke up as soon as Candy through a pack of beef jerky at her, opening up her own bag.

“What the freak Candy?” she says as she morphs back into a person.

“Jerky,” Candy says, eating another piece. Mim rolls her eyes but eats it.

“You bought them beef jerky?” Alex asks Des.

“I got you a Kit Kat.“ Alex takes the candy bar.

“You’re lucky I love you,” she says, taking a bite.

“Alright. We’re lot 3,” Des says. 

They get to their area and start to set up. Everything was mostly just a matter of taking it out of the car, but the tent was a different story. Nobody could figure out how to put it up and of course Des accidentally threw the instructions in the fire the last time they went camping. So they where forced to give their best guess. Somehow they managed it, although the tent ended up a little lopsided. 

Mim started to build up the fire as Des and Alex started to prepare hot dogs and hamburgers. Candy was stealing marshmallows and chocolate and eating them, which caused Mim to scold at her. Alex and Des acted like they couldn’t clearly see them as Candy sneakily gave Mim a marshmallow. Des put the chocolate a little closer to Candy. 

“You know this means we probably aren’t going to have enough for s’mores, right?” Alex asks with a giggle. Des puts the chocolate on the other side of the table sadly. 

“Got it!” Mim says as the fire lights, holding a stick. The tip of it lights up, which causes Candy to jump away.

“Let’s not play with the fire. Vampires, remember?” Alex says, gesturing pointedly to herself and Candy. Mim stomps the stick out. 

The day slowly fades into night, the last bits of light filtering in through the trees. They sit by the fire, holding out sticks with hot dogs. Hamburgers are being heated up over the grill and they all sing their favourite 50s songs. Des tells ghost stories and Alex prepares the s’mores. Soon, all of them are holding gooey messes in their hands, giggling. 

Soon, Candy and Mim drift to sleep, Candy using Mim as a pillow. Alex pours two cups of hot coco, putting exactly three marshmallows in each. She sit next to Des, who wraps a blanket around their shoulders. Alex starts to play with Des’s hair, letting the smell of campfire and hot coco surround them.

“This was fun,” Alex says. 

“Yeah. I hoped it would be.” Alex takes a deep breath.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been out of the city.”

“I know.” Then, Des seems to get an idea as her eyes light up. 

“Look up. I think you might be able to see them through the trees.”

“See what?” Alex looks up and takes in a sharp breath.

“Oh,” she says, sounding speechless. Des smiles, looking at the stars shining in Alex’s eyes. 

“We need to do this more often.”

“Definitely.” And they stay like that for the rest of the night, hearing the tree branches rustle above them, watching the stars with smiles on their faces. 

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #4: "I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org" - Brian

So.... BC quit. Don't know why (and I am not gonna enquire, I just know he is hella busy). But ya I don't know what this means going forward but im gonna roll with it. If i'm not flexible, then that is not a good winner. so ya looking forward toi see whatever happens, and if Madigan go to tribal again, all i know is that i will still be safe cause james and I will just get Keaton involved

I’m SHOCKED BC quit because I thought I was going home lmao so now I have no idea what the hell is gonna happen I’m praying we swap tbh so I can meet up with Brian or Bryce who I know sbsbsbs.

Okay I'm super sad BC quit. They seemed like such a sweetheart. And I always hate to see anybody quit. I'm usually kind of annoyed about quitters but I hope BC is all good and it was just because they were busy... :(

This game has been really good to our tribe. We havent gone to tribal. I have a majority alliance of 4. Everyone is active and does 100% on the challenges. Its been good. Havent had much luck in idol hunt tho so probably someone already found it. Still nervous for the challenge. I want to keep winning but the bad thing in the eyes for the other tribe.

The game is always changing... and someone quitting just shows how quickly everything can change in the game. Plans set forward destroyed... alliances ruined just due to what the game might throw at you at any given time. It’s always scary but you know what... sometimes you gotta look at something bad and say hey let’s test my gameplay a little bit... that is what I’m good at and that is what I plan to do!

So we have swapped. and im not with james. This is hateful huh. first bc quitting today and now this. fuck this. and im with marie and keaton as well. ffs. oh well. time to get socialising and do this shit!

I KNEW A SWAP WAS COMING!!! I felt it deep in my bones. Do sharks have bones? I actually don't think they do. Oh well. I KNEW IT WAS HAPPENING. Obviously I'm super nervous now because I was in a great spot before. But luckily I still have my #1 Brian. And Charlie who is a part of my Four of a Kind alliance and he has an idol. Plus Anna and I hopefully can work together like we have in other games. I just hope she trusts me. Ugh and I freaking hope we win this challenge. Because OG Dinah members definitely have a target as the last intact tribe. SO much is going on in my little gay brain.

Okay my brain is going a mile a minute with this swap. I'm reconnecting with Anna. She seems excited to see me and she told me she isn't super close with Jayden or Nick so that's amazing. I told Brian about Charlie's idol. So this is good. We're surviving.

omg so we swapped and im so sad nathan isnt here but thats about it. happy to be away from jayden since he IGNORES me. when i read these after the game im gonna seem so obsessed huh KJDFSHFAKSJD. but anyway. dennis is here and hes one of my fave ppl ever! hes just so nice. we shared idol guesses and i really wanna go to the end with him. matt is pretty cool and we both stan the good place and naomi smalls so i feel like we'll be good allies. marie is a queen and super nice but maybe not super active but we both love ari so yay. naptime maynor isnt really liking my humor JKASDHF but thats ok. and kirby guy is alright too!! nicole seems nice enough if not a little standoffish but hoping for the best :s love this tribe overrall tho and really hoping to avoid tribal

I got ZType for the duels! Blessed. I can do well in this game and I can't be the reason our tribe loses in the RARE chance we do. So i'm feeling okay.

Too annoyed to write too much right now. But yet another org, and yet another swap fuck! Honestly, this is ridiculous. We have three members on either 7 person tribe, and even if we do manage to succeed in surviving another non-dinah is going to replace the voted out member... you can't make this shit up.

I knew the swap was coming. But im with Dennis which is good. He has some connections with Bryce and Nicole so hopefully they work with us. Keaton is also here like oh Boi. 👀 going to see if he wants to work with me this time. Having him around could help me in this game.

James quits by leaving the server and ignoring everyone.

https://gph.is/1neigCU my mood at my initial alliance members both qutiing time to die?

Ok so Klick quit which is kinda upsetting cuz I was grinding tf outta that challenge and I lowkey played a game with him about a year and a half ago and kinda wanted to reconnect. BUT Nathan is now on the tribe which is like the nest possible scenario. Also we have Anna so hopefully we have an easy majority. Also I assume Dennis has began running the game over on the other tribe because he is great and will probably end up voting me out at f9 or something. But YAY F14 IM NOT OUT YET ANSNSKDKLZLXKC

MY IMPACT?  I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org to save Charlie from doing Multitask and then James had a fit because he got it and was sleeping so he couldn't pick... I... can't believe how I'm WINNING this game?  Anna, I hope you get my winner's crown READY because I'm doing the damn thing!  I am sorry I made him quit because I didn't think he would kjHDAJK... but wow...

Although I am in the minority right now based on tribal lines, Nathan is someone I've wanted to work with for like eons, and I feel so much more comfortable with him on my tribe than James and letting Annabelle hold my fate in her hands.  I think I have an upward battle, but I know Charlie has the idol and will warn Sharky in the case I need Charlie to use it on himself.  The two from my OG tribe I got stuck with is by far the only two from Dinah that I would go out of my way to protect in this game and knowing Charlie has the idol... ugh... I don't even have to DO anything and tea gets served to me.  Love Sharky.. love Charlie.. love Nathan... can't wait to thrive in this game now!

So the swap, i thought would have been really bad for us original dinah people but so far it looks like we might pull through. Nicole told by Dennis to me that she is willing to work with us but im a little sketch because she hasnt really responds to me exept like one message and then it stops. Im trying to get info from keaton and see if he wants to work with me. I have to keep an eye on him cuz he’s messy af. 👀 I think we could be a strong tribe so hopefully we win the next immunity. I rather have my no going to tribal streak going. I need to start talking to our new tribe members as well.

well james left so we got nathan i'm not upset about it i love nathan he's my person this game i think and we swapped with sharky on the tribe and i just played with sharky and we're in majority so things are really looking up here for me tbvh i feel like sharky might want to get rid of one of my OG tribe people but we'll see how it goes.

This game is weird man. I was so ready to play 2048, but Kirby Boi #2 was a quitter, so now I'm not playing 2048, both people I trusted QUIT, and Dennis is on my tribe. I am going to lose really soon. But hopefully I can find an in on my tribe and survive.

i just want an advantage. but oh so now 4/5 of my tribe is together and im just here.. love that! not sarcastic!! miss nathan tho! so far clicking with dennis still and naptime. hes a true carly rae jepsen fan i asked his fave and he said sour candy which is like (bad) but not well known so he must actually like her!! nicole left me on read.. love that! sarcastic!! and yaa wooh loving the new tribe that guy who quit bc of multitask kind of a flop but go off now im closer to merge!

This morning finding out that James was removed was suprising. It sucks cuz i was enjoying doing the ztype. I got to 7,100 which i think its good but idk if it actually was. But im ready for this challenge and hopefully we could win in it. Definately dont want to go to tribal.

Okay Nathan is AMAZING. I love him. And I'm totally going to work with him for sure. i'm so glad he didn't flop. And Honestly I'm glad James quit so that I could work with Nathan. This lip sync challenge is going to be silly. I offered to do the editing which honestly is a big undertaking but I like to be in control and It's definitely going to paint a target on my back but if we win it'll be so great.

OMG SO FUN CHALLENGE THAT I HATE WOOH. i love this but i hate it. idk. i REALLY dont want to do a queen song so i pretended to not know who they are NNN but all that caused was my tribemates shading me... and its like... matt says beyonce is just "ok" and i need to listen to real music.??? just say u hate women and go. JK. maybe. but ANYWAYS. love dennis still and naptime is so funny love his pins! nicole left me on read some more so i sent her demi lovatos GET BACK music video and she finally responded with two 5 word msgs and ghosted again so um really loving that! kirby guy also doesnt reply a lot but thats ok totally loving only talking to 4 ppl!

edit: quitters are shitters

Our song is Dont stop me now by queen which is awesome. I just need to find the time to work on it later today or tomorrow morning but have an idea what imma do so thats good. Still talking to keaton but no game talk it. Hopefully soon because im still feeling sketch on this tribe. I dont wanna get voted out pre-merge. *knocks on wood* ✊🌳

Making the video was really fun. Had more fun and felt more comfortable after making the ones before were i wasnt as comfortable. This is one of my fav comps now. Cant wait to see how it turns out.

UM?? I'm CACKLING?? So Sharky showed me the clips he got from Nick and Jayden, and I'm just so confused how straight men get any sort of action when they're as stiff as them?  I mean I guess they're not ugly so that probably helps, but neither of them are good at using a camera... So I'm just SO ...

I have nothing else to talk about other than how fucking STIFF the straight men are in their lip sync videos, so whew... love visibility…

worst comp for me ever like i was fine doing 2048 i could have probably helped with that but like a music video? YIKES that's not my thing at all i didn't know what to do or what to help especially since i'm so not gonna get on camera >.< i hate being useless if we lose like ugh lmfao

Okay so this challenge was...a disaster. I asked everyone to just do the song and then I'd make it look good with editing. That didn't work out. And I had more trouble editing than i thought. I feel like I dropped the ball and I'm not sued to being someone holding my tribe back. I tried to hide our bad lipsyncers. Charlie got sick. And something happened in the rush of uploading it that gave me a weird crop and a couple of cuts that I screwed up but I ran out of time. I'm feeling really disappointed in myself.

Okay we lost. This sucks. two of the judges called out the edit/effort specifically so that doesn't feel great. But I'm going to look at this as a positive. Maynor and Dennis stay safe on the other tribe. And Now I can use this to make some real connections and alliances on this tribe. Like Chad Michaels I will rise from the ashes and be the gayest winningest phoenix you have ever seen.

Ok so me Nathan and Nick should really stick with Annabelle. Easy majority makes easy game which makes happy Jayden

So we lost the challenge, but I don't feel too... bad about that.  I mean if I go home, clearly I fucked the fuck up and felt too confident... but I think that I feel... good?

Firstly, thank you to the judges for recognizing my SNAP in the lip sync.  I wasn't sure they were going to do my rap in the challenge, so I'm glad it was in there hehe... Now... going to tribal is a part of the game and the strategy has been lacking up till now, so I'm excited to jump in and finally explore that part of the game.  It'll be a nice start to my resume, following accidentally make James quit LMFAO.

Right now, I think I'm in a solid spot.  Nick said he wouldn't vote for me and I mean.. we haven't talked much, but I expect him to not lie for no reason... and I'm going to make sure to increase our conversation and expand on what HE wants to happen to just have that tea under my belt.  I think Jayden is who I would like gone, and I think I'd be able to gather the votes to get that to happen.  It's not like I have anything against him personally, but I just feel it's hardest to talk to him because him and I are not alike from what I've gathered.  I'm the uber gay and for the uber gay and the Travis Scott fanboy to get along?  Would be shocking.

I like Annabelle and Nathan a lot and I don't think they'd throw votes for me.  I have my little final 2 deal going on with Nathan, but highkey I don't think I'd keep him as my #1 over Marie, if I get to the point where I meet with her, so I have no problem cutting him or Annabelle in the future.  I do think it'd be better to work WITH them, especially for now, and I think they feel similar sentiments, but I don't know for sure!

But now we come to the real people I would like to protect going into this vote, Charlie and Sharky.  I love my OG Dinah babies so much, and I will make sure their names aren't the targets of this vote.  I think Sharky has set himself up well, and since he told me Charlie has the idol, I think we should especially be OK.  I also think Annabelle and Nathan seemingly want to work with us, so .... whew...

ALSO, this is a mid-confessional update, but 2 alliances were formed.  We have the "Tea Party" alliance with Sharky, me, and Nathan (the gays) and then the "Dinah Dudes" alliance with Charlie, Sharky, and me (OG Dinah's) and then I think another sub-alliance with the "Tea Party" and Annabelle is coming to fruition, so kjHDKAS... ya... I think I'm SET.  I can't wait to wreck shit!

So we swapped tribes and here I am with 3 from my original tribe, 3 from the other tribe and Bryce from the third tribe. Bryce and I know each other, and by that I mean I just blindsided him another org... oops! Hopefully he doesn’t come after me but who knows because I literally did not participate in this challenge at all! We still won though so hopefully I’ll get to redeem myself in the next one

My arms are SORE from pulling all my best Freddie Mercury moves out for this lip sync, I am SO tired. But I honestly am so glad i gave my 100% effort because I truly needed to pull through for this tribe and show them I’m not just a sitting duck. (Is that the term? Idk.)

Either way I’m glad we all got to bond through this and here’s to being safe ANOTHER round (I’ve never gone to tribal so wooooo!)

i want an IDOL or sth. but um dennis is so fun love that man. always asks daily to work with me. like idk how many times i have to tell him that he is literally the only person on this tribe to pm me first without me having to (NOT EXAGGERATION). marie and matt? no reply from marie in like 30 hours and matt hasnt been talking to me since i said idk queen. kirby guy? replies with 1 word answers and taste in music offends me NNN. nicole? who. all she does is ignore me and like somtimes she replies and ill reply in the SAME LIKE 10 SECONDS, and she'll just leave me on read JKADSFHAKSJ. comes back like 9 hours later with no reasoning on why she stopped talking and with just a "hi", and thats if im lucky! idk i hope we swap soon or merge. like the whole preswap i was praying for a swap to find some good allies bc all i had was nathan really, and now i just have dennis. maybe by merge ill have a whole 3 allies??? oh wait theres um maynor hes cool i always have to pm him first but hes at least responsive and can hold a conversation! black bear diner goes off and i WILL be eating there the next time in houston

We lost, which was hardly surprising when I saw the other tribe's video lol. So now it's not looking good for us dinahs... but luckily I have the idol up my sleeve hehe. Gonna tell Brian and Sharky so that we can use it to save us…

I was so happy that we won immunity. Stil feeling a little sketch on this tribe. Injust hope that the vote isnt charlie, brian, or sharky. And especially sharky cuz he’s my duo. Now dennis, nicole, and i are the only 3 to not go to tribal yet. Its pretty awesome amd kinda scary.

https://youtu.be/BfzG9xjtCRw

Down with the straights!  I still think Jayden is going, but if Charlie ends up going I'm JUMPING because that means I've been lied to by people that want to claim to be my final 2... I do trust in Jayden going but we shall SEE!

So the tribe lost and I’m a bit nervous because I’ve only heard one name... I would have loved to saved my idol until I needed it but I think it’s very likely my name could be the second one going around... we shall see what happens though.

Ugh okay so I was hoping for a simple easy vote. But as usual there is just a little bit of drama. Nick told Anna/Nathan that he has a legacy advantage to be used at F13/F6 which is trash because that means if we lose next time he'll use that and be safe. But if we vote him out he'll gift it to Jayden and we have the same problem. Plus Charlie is wigging out because he has a bad feeling about the vote, which is totally fair because he isn't talking very much. And Nick told Anna her name got thrown out which is just untrue. This is just kind of messy and not in a cute way.

Jayden is voted out 5-2.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

I'm giving it 30 days. Well maybe a bit more, but give or take 30 days. By the end of September I will take control of my life and I will be better equipped than three months ago. I'm not right now. I know mentally I'm not ready to not be fucked up by this because I don't have all the tools right now and I have to make a weirdly selfish decision to maintain this moderately unhealthy routine while I work diligently to be a better person. I'm not even ready to talk about it with others. I'm not out there like hey guys doing some self improvement reading this doing that because tomorrow it could stop and I could wake up in a shit attitude and want to die. And I'm not secure enough to compromise my character anymore like I don't want to be him basically because they talk so much and do nothing to improve themselves. I want to be better than that. I want to present a whole picture because no-one can complete it but me through active self improvement so I currently don't need anyone's opinion on these decisions I'm securely making for myself as I develop my adult person.

I'm not 3ven focused on being a "good" person. I just want to be someone I can live with. To be something that doesn't give me anxiety. Security of what I know and what I'm capable of.

Today we fought and he brought it to the cycle and I'm not sure exactly how I want to react so I am reacting very little but really want to focus on knowing my securities of my knowledge and what I want not just from this relationship (I told him it wasn't one but he's the one now saying it is) but from the people I fucking interact with. He refused to read my letters because he's "sad" but would not elaborate. I assume it's like he wrote her similar letters or maybe it's guilt that he's somehow leading me on. I am pumped full of hormones so I couldn't help but be sad that he was too sad to read something I wrote out of love where I describe his great attributes and the things he's been for me. I let it past. I was annoyed by another friend and expressed my related annoyance at their brattiness and not having alot of gratitude. He decided this was wrong and they could complain how they wanted. And you know, I'm not sure if it's right or wrong but I don't want to be around someone who doesn't "get it" because it's like a basic ass philosophical morality that all fucking religions have in common - be grateful. Know what you have and when you can complain. I hate the crackheads but I'm more concerned with my internal than my external because as I work on my internal I have more control over my external even in a shitty environment that could easily be soooooooooooooooooooo much worse.

He belittled the point to I could do better by getting a job so the other person can complain because Im not doing all I could be doing. I, however, have zero space to complain. Ever. It is seemingly never appropriate.

I was more offended that he judged everything down to having a job. Like I'm never doing better unless I've gotten a job. My hardships are all caused by me and I'm not doing enough. Yet for six weeks I've been dedicated as he jacks off and complains about how his mom treats him while he jacks off for free in her home as a 28 year old man. When I offered the idea that he might be privileged he immediately degraded the convo again that now he wasn't allowed to complain despite weeks of me listening to his complaints and hearing utterly repulsive nonsense from him. I've gone above and beyond for this person. I have probably given him the most outside of my father and my father wins by length of time because wow. I can't even repeat his shit because why am I listening to it? I am playing with something very dangerous and like longer than September I've accepted it but if I stop it'll be morally okay.

I told him it was upsetting because we don't talk enough about my improvements to make a sweeping generalization that I wasn't doing better because I didn't have a job. He attempted to say we all could do better and that he was lazy and that's why he is the way he is and all of his problems come down to physical fitness. I was now hurt that I was realizing nothing was changing. He was doing the same routine he had been for two years. He repeated he wasn't going to give me what I wanted and that he's already tried to break up with me before. He had clearly complicated and taken my original complaint personal because he's ungrateful and displays it all the time and feels self conscious about the judgement. I was now side swiped - I hadn't done anything but complain about someone else. I told him he was not a safe space to make those complaints so I won't do it again. I am still valid, by his own fucking argument, to complain. Period. I'll just control the space in which I do it because other people choose to take things personally because it's probably fucking true. My father did this alot. He offended people for being super super truthful but also humorous which makes up an asshole. And I don't want to be the asshole my father was but I still accept the attitude because he wasn't wrong. He told the truth. Even about himself.

He decided to end the conversation on his own accord as he usually does because "I never wanted this I told you I'm unhealthy". Even though four hours ago he's asking for nudes.

I called back and told him this wasn't fair. He asked to call me back in a few minutes and an hour later I got a text saying he's stuck having this big long convo because of his opinion that he has to whisper and never express and he's stuck in this and can't leave because ill publically shame him and he doesn't want that so he's just going to bed.

I was like wtf thanks. First of all obviously it's over since youre inferring I've trapped you by psychological force and there's no fucking real feeling there.

Secondly, he has gbs of porn of me. He could easily shame me just to get himself off for fucking fun not even to be inherently evil and that's literally as likely as me doing something to him. Like in our nature? Yeah it is. Would we do it? Unlikely but given the right circumstances possibly. So like we don't need to see eye to eye on this (we wont) but don't degrade it to a fucking abuse shame war.

Also, the I did not say it, this is manipulation by saying this he's putting it on me so if it happens he can justify all the feelings about ppl being against him so even if I've won, he's still won. Nothing changes.

But I've chosen to be offended that he's assumed this of me to a point that he's using it as an excuse. That's pretty flimsy and bullshit - if you want to leave, just leave.

Finally I reminded him that had he read my fucking love letters, maybe he would've felt differently.

Ironically I woke up with the intention to look up properties in pei. I thought maybe I'll invest just a bit more into this since he seems receptive but maybe fate made this happen to remind me to start nothing. Literally sleeping is time better invested.

I believe right now he will complete his cycle and realize he's shitty and probably come back around with a convoluted lecture and I'll let him. If he chooses not to then it's okay because he made the decision for me and I'll be even more free to recover as I will. But I think he will because my points were valid. He told me that people don't care and I think he should listen to himself because frankly I don't care about every fucking thought that passes in his brain. I don't. Some of his thoughts conflict with my thoughts and instead of arguing I just allow him the fucking space. Get a journal. That's all I can say. You want space? Get a fucking journal. No one cares. And if anyone says they're interested it's because it's a fucking trainwreck like no one wants this around them in reality. It's just interesting to watch unfold.

And I'm the last fucking one watching. I'm the last one encouraging him. The last one supporting and dedicated to him. I am building my support system in a healthy way for the first time and he's the last person I'd go to for support unless I need money.

I understand he's sick and I'm giving him space to figure himself out and honestly if he figured out I'm not supposed to be around and told me this in a mature, non random manner I would just go. I'd have closure. There's never been closure during these times. It's always open ended and when it's over "I never broke up with you".

I laid heavily on wanting to be able to share what I learned but not be influenced by his negativity. He said he would try but he knew it wouldn't work. And this was acceptable for him. Which I found outstandingly hypocritical. If nothing else it finally challenged the lingering beliefs that the things he told me so many times was never something that counted for him.

When I got off the phone I immediately said out loud, "I hate him" and hours later I honestly still kind of do. He's such a shitty person in his current iteration. I know he's been better and can be better and I don't want to be another dumb ass chick like oh you know I just want to help him because I've been that chick and I'm no longer forcing my help. I don't want to help him but I will if he needs it or when I identify times it calls for it. I'm not going to explain to him any further why this is upsetting because he will hang himself by continuing it and I will be away from him.

I will not let this go though and I will save that single message because he implies I have information to shame him in public with. If he finishes his cycle, I will continue to mention that he doesn't love me he just fears me. He's tarnished the relationship himself.

At first I was upset that I had sent letters and made a gift and sent him videos but then I wasn't because I'm a great girlfriend and even though I was and am vulnerable, it still makes me a great girlfriend. Whether he knows that or not is his own choice because the next man I love will be grateful as fuck for the love I give him and I will not be second best to someone else.

I know.

Why am I still willing to do this if I know it could be better elsewhere? I love him, I want him to be mentally well and hopefully have a life with him. Im upset his depression hurt me today. I didn't deserve it. And if the depression chooses to destroy our relationship, then fine. I'm tired of being hurt by it. I have my own shit to deal with.

Just in this very moment because I've decided 30 days I have to let things play out without my influence. I need to put my very best foot forward and present myself in a way I can be proud of. No "instant gratification" messages. I was within my right to respond to his very negative message though I would've like to not have. Because I also had that right. That is something to work on. But I did and my response was collected and reflected his own obnoxious beliefs. I stand behind my letters. I literally wrote on paper I want to spend my life with you it's like damn near a proposal. I had the confidence and commitment to do that. I didn't do that with anyone else. It was like defaulted into my first relationship like well this is what we do I guess just this forever. I mean eventually I wanted to because you're with them so long it's apart of you but I didn't proclaim this love. I have the capacity to do so. It wasn't even wasted on him because it's a love letter to myself. Like hey, look what you can give. I would be too scared to share that because I didn't want to be judged or maybe left or something but I did it and I was just like yes, I feel good. And if we aren't together it wasn't lies because this is how I felt at the time. I wanted to but we didn't.

Unfortunately this took up my whole evening. But it's been awhile since this has happened and I know the hormones definitely affected me so I think I'm more emotionally obsessive over it for that but I'm not distraught at all. It's very very important to break the cycle for myself. I participated in it by focusing on it for too many hours but my focus was healthy I think like it wasn't a breakdown of why I think he feels this way but how I feel about it and what I can do about it and how I can learn from it. I want to break it though and tomorrow will be important because I will not contact him. It's unlikely he will contact me anyways but I don't want to initiate it. I said nothing bad and placed the responsibility of breaking up back on him. He will hopefully wake up to my texts and sit on them but we've been in constant contact daily so he will feel the loss.

One month. I can do this. By fall I will have the things I want or I will be free from the binds that hold me from it.

I have the thought of still looking for properties. I'm more scared of this than the letters. I don't want to know what I'm missing. I don't want another failed life plan. It could backfire if I show them to him - he could feel pressured. At the same time I want to show him I'm serious. I want to set an example and maybe get him excited because this is stupid. And I feel like its smarter to start a plan so I don't wait a month and decide yeah let's do it when this could be the thing. I want to walk away saying like I wanted to do this and this I gave him this but he was too lazy to work towards it.

Of course you know what about this fight? That im trapping him? Im hurt but if I was serious about this is it more important than our potential future? It's not. His tantrum is not because I believe better things can come.

[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 1 Pt 1: I’m Gonna Snatch her Weave so Hard she’ll be Seeing Stars. - Charlotte

I'M ON THE PENIS TRIBE WHAT THE FUCK

LMFAOOOOO THE FACT THAT REGAN WAS WILLING TO RETURN TO A SEASON HOSTED BY J O R D A N P I N E S IS HILARIOUS I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY All jokes aside, it's great to be back! So far I have met Lily and Amanda, who are new to me, and then there's Chrissa....yikes. I voted her out of Wikia Main ORG, but I think we've patched up things. I get Jack back, yes! More to come soon!

MISS KEISHA....MISS KEISHA!!!! Oh my fuckin god shes fuckin dead

That Adam on the other tribe sucks. I don’t like anything about him but especially not his hair. He seems like someone who gets really upset about ice cream sundaes 

I'm shook Jordan casted Regan

I AM SO OVERWHELMED MY TRIBE IS SO ICONIC WHAT

First confessional of the season here we go. First impressions of my tribe...... Charlotte: Who? Ive heard she’s an icon but she also hosts the same game as L.A. Karen: icon that I think likes me, Alliance Member, probably gonna be my #1 Jaiden: crazy lunatic flop who will hopefully overcast myself being a crazy lunatic flop Regan: female jaiden David: pretty sure he has a beef with me rip L.A.: hosts a game with Charlotte, I’ll probably target them Adam: heard he’s an icon, don’t know why but that makes me scared I can’t remember who the other 2 are so they’re probably irrelevant 

I’m here and I’m ready to party! I’m sad Sambrina isn’t on my tribe she seems pretty cool. That Ryan guy can suck an egg 

Literally why did I do this. Jordan Pines better love me forever. #regrets

So like we got some pretty iconic people on this season like Chrissa. I love that girl. Anyways, my tribe seems like a good bunch of people and I am already predicting Charlotte doing well. I need to work with her so that I can get far as well then cut her off cause from what I know that girl is good at this game. These people seem like a good group because I am already getting messages from them and not to them. So I think it will be really good to be here. Having two tribe go to tribal is ugly because now he HAVE to win. I wish Adam the best of luck and will not blame him if we fail. Good luck to myself!

I hate writing confessionals so TBH I probably won't do very many. In the past I've always played as a very loyal player and I think that's what people will expect from me in this game. Ha, jokes on them, I'm here for blood and I can't wait to bathe in it. Playing loyal got me eighth place the last time I played TS and I don't plan on flopping again - actually, that's probably not true, but let's pretend I actually stand a chance. I think my tribe is alright but we're going to have some stiff competition. A lot of the "threats" from past games are on the nahte and nadroj tribe so the fact that only one tribe can win immunity is a little inconvenient. I'm also sad that RTP isn't on my tribe. His intro video was just fun. I need to make it to the first tribe swap or the merge so I can play with Ryan! But anyways, let's do first impressions because people - for some reason - care about those. Adam: I don't know him and I haven't heard of him either. I liked his intro though so he seems like he could be someone fun to play with in this game. I guess we'll find out more but he had some good ideas for the flag so - phew, I think he'll be a good addition to the tribe. David: Oh look, another person I haven't heard of or know. I have a feeling this is going to be a trend. He seems nice enough? It's been a day, Joyce, I don't know these kids yet. Kage: Alright so Kage and I were the first people in the group, so we had a chance to talk a wee bit before we got the rest of our tribe. I like him TBH. We never got a chance to play together in any previous games so I think this could be interesting. Karen: I HAVE ONLY HEARD NICE THINGS ABOUT KAREN. I'm excited to see if we can work together in this game but I am a little worried because I think she'd be more likely to work with LA than me in this game. What's that? I'm worried someone wants to work with LA? lol. Cage: We haven't had a chance to talk much but I think he might be GMT so maybe that'll happen this morning?? IDK the wiki says he's in the US so maybe I'm wrong. Regan: Of fucking course Regan is on my tribe. I love Regan, don't get me wrong, but "Fought" in the VL and she rage quit before the cast reveal. LMAO oops. Here's hoping she doesn't vote me out for pointing out that she was wrong about Taylor Swift's live performance dates. I hate that I even knew enough to contradict her wrong statements. Ugh. I hate me. Jaiden: I am actually so excited to have Jaiden on my tribe. I just hosted him on Themyscira so I kinda think I know how his brain works?? He likes to be chaotic and make big moods and you can never trust him as far as you can throw him. I like to think that he might work with me, just because we do get along, but you never know. Jaiden is a wild card. If I decide I want to play messy, he's a great guy to do it with. LA: Bitch needs to go. Seriously. There's absolutely no way the two of us can work together in this game because it puts a huge target on our backs. If we lose, I lowkey want to campaign to send her ass home. It'll only help my game. Rafael: I was so hyped to see Rafael on my tribe. I just watched him play in IOS and was annoyed I didn't draft him because his VL confessionals are hilarious. I really hope we are able to work together in this game. That's my goal. Also can you believe Jordan threw all of the Geminis on one tribe? Fuck, we're going to murder each other. I love it. 

Hilo! Im back for another season..aka my 6th time. I swear I dont love myself but im only here to have fun so whatever. 30 PPL? and im not?!? on the icons tribe!??! okie whatever idk any of those irrelevant ppl anyways..like who the fuck are these ppl? (king andreas ur not included) anyways evaluation time because i love reading what ppl say about me so im sure ppl feel the same way MY TRIBE: Allison-we did a tribe call last night and she literally rubbed me the wrong way. How can you be that annoying? I seriously dont know. And it was just her and alex and jordan and i on the call at one point and she said something rude just as i was telling them bye for the night. Like literally leave? Amanda-We played in Maldives but i dont really count that because we were on the opposite tribe and i was second boot. I mean Im trying to connect with her ...but nothing bad to say about her. But also nothing good? ya feel me? Chrissa- Idk what to say about her :c sorry girl Drew- oh drew, we have such a weird relationship. Weve played in sides and mains together and for the first 3 times ive snatched him and now hes returning the favor. If I remember correctly were actually even now. BUT IM DYING TO PLAY WITH HIM AND HAVE HIM BE LOYAL. Lets be real I cant send him home as long as there is a redemption island fkjsdhfkdshf Jack- Andreas was his mentor in whatever shitty game steffen hosted? so idk if i can use that to my advantage or not. Liam- mY LITERAL SON! I LOVE HIM. After i forced rocks in india and he left i felt so bad so i will literally try to save him as much as possible and ill be super loyal to him. my love LIAM I LOVE U Lily-LOL regan hates her so if u think im not going to use this to my advantage ur so wrong. I love her she is so adorably cute. I want to keep her as a pet. And it makes me happy regan hates her ahahhahahahah. Madison- again..sorry idk her? Nick- WHO? The I hate jp tribe (also can we talk about who is on this tribe...jordan what...are u trying to do ...all these players are messy?) anyways Adam- irrelevant Charlotte-literal queen/ i hosted her before and i adore her so much David- DAVID ROBB I LOVE U Gage- ok but what kinda...name? Jaiden- JORDAN PINES WHY WOUIKLD U DPO THIS TO ME? WHY WOULD U DO THIS TO ANYONE? LET ME LIVE! hes crazy . pls let him live a short life Kage- hes so funny, and hes also messy so like....omg? but i deadass have him under control so i love that bitch Karen- can i just say shes so  cute and we met in person and shes cuter in person. Fucking 10/10 would bang. I love her so much. But she never makes it to swap so L.A- literally love. I hosted them as well Raffy- who are u? Regan-ok but like shes obsessed with me and i think in like...a friend way idk hopefully in a friendway lool i think im the only one who can control her so this is going to be fun if she lasts and i get to play w her Icons tribe Andreas-LITERALLY MY BESTFRIEND EVER LITERALLY I LOVE HIM ANDREAS WE ARE CO WINNING I LOVE U SO MUCH!! the rest of the icon tribe can suck it because literally yall are all ugly and just really fucking irrelevant to me? like why are u icons? idk you????????? uhuh

I love this cast, holy shit. Being on the same tribe with Char is gonna be hard, people know we are friends and we have some of our Themyscira kids in here so this will be interesting. We already know we're gonna be gunning for each other at some point. KAREN (heart eyes) I also REALLY wanna work with Jaiden tbh

I love frogs and I currently am aligned with my whole tribe except for two people. 

6th time.... Holy Kawolski. This time around I'm just going to try to make it as far as I can. I'm taking it one day at a time and not focusing too long term. So im on the Legends/Icons tribe and I feel out of place. 7 of these people played TS before me, and I still feel like the new kid on the block.... isn't that crazy? I also see a lot of familiar faces in this cast so I'll have to deal with that eventually. Right now I think my struggle is theirs so many old school people that all know each other. Who thought it was a good idea putting Ari, RTP, Jessica, and Casey on the same tribe ??? I think I wanna try to form some sort of alliance with them though. If all of us who played a bunch of times can band together then I think it may be better for all of us. We shall be targeted eventually, we shouldn't go after each other on top of that. I think the only person who might have an issue with me is RTP. I got him out in Easter, but this time around I understand how he likes to play so I need to cater around that. No personal talk - just game. Let's rocket.

The tribe seems to be very connected through the first challenge. I've been talking a lot with Kage and he seems like a potential ally for me. Throughout the day, the tribe has spoken with each other in the tribe chat and sadly I was not able to participate a lot because of school. The people most in it were Karen, Regan, and Adam. I sense that they could be working together down the line if this behavior keeps up. I want to try and continue communications with Kage as well as trying to get on Charlotte's good side. 

Kage wants to work with Charlotte, LA, and I in an alliance. I think this will work well for us in the long run. He also wants to have one other person in this alliance they the two of us control so that if it were to come down to it, it would be 3 vs. 2 with us having the majority. I feel that this is a good plan, but we lack the fifth person. I hope I can try and find someone or Kage does. Pray and hope! I am talking with LA more though so I hope this establishes the groundwork for us to be allies.

Oh man, oh man, oh man. Looks like I'm putting my faith in Sarah to be a power duo. I love her to death, I really do, but I really do hope she means what she says and doesn't try to cut me loose early. 

I cant believe I might have to align with R*gan but thats what it looks like its coming down to. Karen is my favorite minion. I love Gage, Everyone else idk ha

ok so my tribe......... has the WORST ideas for this flag and like adam was gonna do it????/on??/paint????/ this tribe is already selfdestructing anyway as much as I hate jp like I don't want a flag with us murdering him??? ugh anyway I think I have an ides but itll be blandish

@the flag making challenge and our flag specifically The supportive tribemate in me: https://media.giphy.com/media/l3JDFJncJHteKIYzm/giphy.gif The pessimist in me: https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/skirt-vintage-mean-girls.gif?w=650 The try-hard comp queen in me: https://media.giphy.com/media/115nGRivk9zjkA/giphy.gif The realist in me, seeing RTP on the icons tribe and knowing I'll never make something better anyway: https://media.giphy.com/media/Hb0mP3CTazPmU/giphy.gif Me today: https://media.thedailytouch.com/2014/11/shaun-dead-gif-pub.gif

So, I like my tribe, they're all very nice people. BUT! They are very weak willed. Like I feel like I've got to kindergarten teacher them into getting work done. Lots of exclamation points and happy encouragement. It's only because you've got us doing this stupid arts and crafts challenge. Mr. "Too Lazy to Make the Flags Himself". I like Charlotte the best, she's being very helpful. Karen annoys me kind of but she's the one with photoshop so I need her. Kage is cool but he doesn't seem to have anything to offer to the challenge. Same with a bunch of them really. Like everyone is very friendly and excited but no one really offers up any ideas or help. LA gave us the good idea about word art but didn't really back it up with anything so me and Charlotte figured it out on our own. Like I don't really want to be the leader but everyone is such a follower. Like I wanted to gather minions but damn I don't need this many. Someones gotta be voted out at some point. Whatever, I'm just tryna get everyone to like me, because people really only align with the people they like. Idk, this game is stupid and I don't have time for it but I'm already in it so I'll at least try. "Tumblr Survivor Jordan Pines" What kind of idiot let this happen

Adam is really doing that with this challenge. There is no way that he would be able to be voted out after this level of participation. 

so I love the flag idk if it will win but i love it, I am in a perpetual panic attack right now generally for today in general and shit that happrened yesterday. But I hope we win I need something good. 

Well, I thought I'd finally break down how things are going. Looking at this cast I see a lot of familiar faces. Like, A LOT! We have: Jack, my student from Kvaloya. We were paired together however we never had the chance to play together. In this game we have no reason to play together and I think he would trust me easily because of our past. I'm not really loyal to him and I don't feel a need to work with him if we do end up on the same tribe. Gage, we were on a tribe together very briefly in Kvaloya. We went to a tribal but I always felt he was up to no good. I still feel that way lmao. Liam, we were also on a tribe in Kvaloya. However, we did work together - more trust on his side then mine BUT he's a solid guy none the less. Kage, O M G. HA. I literally orchestrated everything about his elimination in Great Lakes from Day 1. I lied to people about him and started rumors and ultimately got him to sent to Redemption Island where I single handily sent him home. He has reason to want me out but we have a good relationship outside of games so we shall see. Drew, I'm happy to see him here! We worked together in Bangladesh but we never completely trusted each other. However, we were grouped together and I think we could work well together. Hopefully he feels the same way. SARAH LYNN, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. Actually one of my best friends in the whole world. I went to visit her once. She's my final 2, I don't care what people think or say. We have each others back 100% and I can't wait until we can play together on the same tribe. Karen, HA. Another person who I contributed greatly to their elimination. But I think she's someone I want to work with so I think we can put Easter Island behind us. Ryan, I sent him in Easter and I can't read him for shit so is he still mad at me ? We shall never know. Emma, MOM!!!! I love Emma and honestly I'm so happy we're on the same tribe ! Someone I know I can trust. Regan and Casey have also hosted me so I have good working relationships with them. So on our tribe we have a lot of people who were old school TS. I'm trying to like remind people we all need to have each others backs, as if we don't then these new people will target us. Hopefully their listening to me. I'm very aware of the friendships these people and I'm trying to get in with Ari/Jess/Ryan as I think they would be able to take me the furthest. Cole and I also talked and we mentioned how we wanna go far together so thank GOD i got him! I like him, hes real and I respect that. I think I also plan on playing a very social game. I want people to want to tell me their secrets and such. So for the challenge it's flag making and I decided to make the flag because I knew I could do an A++ flag, so I hope we win with it! ALSO so i found on the rule page a puzzle to a secret advantage and i did it and I was too late :( Someone has one and i'm not happy !!!!!!!!! I think it might be Drew, hes smart like that.